Shock BMW Announcement
02-27-2006, 01:11 AM
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Shock BMW Announcement
"Today BMW announced a product recall to their Oxford factory of the 'vast majority' of their current range. The safety recall (15335) affects models across all series from 1998 to present and relates to the use of leather in its interiors.
BMW engineers were alerted to a problem by a Dutch ecologist who made the discovery whilst on an extended field trip to rural Germany. The car giant has long prided itself on its use of quality leather products sourced from local suppliers. Dr. Roemer discovered that, unbeknownst to the manufacturer, the herds used are actually a from a rare sub-species called the 'Bovarian Fighting Cow'.
Dr. Roemer stated that 'During the annual mating season males start to look for mates in order to continue their lineage - as with all species. Competition is tight and females are "won over" by outrageous showmanship, strutting and aggressive 'to-the-death' in-fighting. Females are limited and so the males have evolved to literally fight off the competition.'
Dr. Roemer continued that 'The hormone produced by the males diffuses into the hide of the animal from where it is emitted as a powerful pheromone. According to our research it seems that the effects of this potent chemical is cross-communicable to humans and is not removed during normal curing. Our tests show that were the average man to be exposed to even a small 'dose' this would render him incapable of rational thought and coordinated response to external stimuli.'
In a statement from its Munich headquarters BMW said 'We are obviously shocked and saddened by this new evidence and I can assure all our customers that we had no prior knowledge of this side effect. Even in small doses the leather we use seems to incite outrageously aggressive and inconsiderate behaviour in the occupants. I strongly urge anyone currently driving with our "full leather" option to pull over immediately and abandon their car.'
It is thought that this admission has been made in response to announcements by four major insurers in January of this year. Through Reuters the companies reported that...
'We have been forced to update our actuarial tables in the light of damning statistical evidence. From today anyone wishing to insure themselves to drive a BMW (especially the 3-series) will be declined. Years of collated data has made it evident that the desire to drive this range of car intrinsically means that you should not be allowed on any public road.
BMW engineers were alerted to a problem by a Dutch ecologist who made the discovery whilst on an extended field trip to rural Germany. The car giant has long prided itself on its use of quality leather products sourced from local suppliers. Dr. Roemer discovered that, unbeknownst to the manufacturer, the herds used are actually a from a rare sub-species called the 'Bovarian Fighting Cow'.
Dr. Roemer stated that 'During the annual mating season males start to look for mates in order to continue their lineage - as with all species. Competition is tight and females are "won over" by outrageous showmanship, strutting and aggressive 'to-the-death' in-fighting. Females are limited and so the males have evolved to literally fight off the competition.'
Dr. Roemer continued that 'The hormone produced by the males diffuses into the hide of the animal from where it is emitted as a powerful pheromone. According to our research it seems that the effects of this potent chemical is cross-communicable to humans and is not removed during normal curing. Our tests show that were the average man to be exposed to even a small 'dose' this would render him incapable of rational thought and coordinated response to external stimuli.'
In a statement from its Munich headquarters BMW said 'We are obviously shocked and saddened by this new evidence and I can assure all our customers that we had no prior knowledge of this side effect. Even in small doses the leather we use seems to incite outrageously aggressive and inconsiderate behaviour in the occupants. I strongly urge anyone currently driving with our "full leather" option to pull over immediately and abandon their car.'
It is thought that this admission has been made in response to announcements by four major insurers in January of this year. Through Reuters the companies reported that...
'We have been forced to update our actuarial tables in the light of damning statistical evidence. From today anyone wishing to insure themselves to drive a BMW (especially the 3-series) will be declined. Years of collated data has made it evident that the desire to drive this range of car intrinsically means that you should not be allowed on any public road.
02-27-2006, 01:56 AM
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Off Topic.
Too long-winded and devoid of a puncline.
Wasn't supposed to have a punchline. Am I the only one who is fed up with BMW drivers? As a car driver it exasperates me, but as a biker it terrifies me. I have almost resigned myself to the fact that I'll probably die on the bonnet of a BMW whose driver won't even notice me until he ends his call!
02-27-2006, 02:06 AM
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Originally Posted by jinjer,Feb 27 2006, 10:56 AM
Sorry, but didn't feel OT when YET ANOTHER BMW driver almost drove into me on the weekend.
Should I limit myself to 'red-top style' text of no more than 6 words per sentence in future? How 'bout we just start us another thread entitle "Another car I thought I wouldn't be quicker than, but turns out I am" and then we can all keep our responses to grunts and smilies?
Wasn't supposed to have a punchline. Am I the only one who is fed up with BMW drivers? As a car driver it exasperates me, but as a biker it terrifies me. I have almost resigned myself to the fact that I'll probably die on the bonnet of a BMW whose driver won't even notice me until he ends his call!
Should I limit myself to 'red-top style' text of no more than 6 words per sentence in future? How 'bout we just start us another thread entitle "Another car I thought I wouldn't be quicker than, but turns out I am" and then we can all keep our responses to grunts and smilies?
Wasn't supposed to have a punchline. Am I the only one who is fed up with BMW drivers? As a car driver it exasperates me, but as a biker it terrifies me. I have almost resigned myself to the fact that I'll probably die on the bonnet of a BMW whose driver won't even notice me until he ends his call!
but since it's so important to you
we could do a little test
thinking back over all the no-fault accidents we've been involved in
what was the make of the other car involved
I'd be surprised if the results weren't in proportion to the numbers of a particular make on the road
my own protagonists were Ford (t-bone), Renault (rear end) and Mitsubishi (rear end)
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02-27-2006, 02:19 AM
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Ford (T-Bone) POS Escort that shouldn't have been on the road for at least 5 years. Driven by a guy so old he probably grew up with moses, who then blamed me for the accident ????
Ford (Rear end) Post Office Escort (again) Driver gets out apologises gives me his details and explains it his 3rd accident in 3 months
Rover (Rear end) The guy was on his way to pick up his new car and part-ex the crumpled piece of metal stuck in the back of my company car in against it
ers.
Ford (Rear end) Post Office Escort (again) Driver gets out apologises gives me his details and explains it his 3rd accident in 3 months
Rover (Rear end) The guy was on his way to pick up his new car and part-ex the crumpled piece of metal stuck in the back of my company car in against it
ers.
02-27-2006, 02:20 AM
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Originally Posted by jinjer,Feb 27 2006, 11:56 AM
Sorry, but didn't feel OT when YET ANOTHER BMW driver almost drove into me on the weekend.
Should I limit myself to 'red-top style' text of no more than 6 words per sentence in future? How 'bout we just start us another thread entitle "Another car I thought I wouldn't be quicker than, but turns out I am" and then we can all keep our responses to grunts and smilies?
Wasn't supposed to have a punchline. Am I the only one who is fed up with BMW drivers? As a car driver it exasperates me, but as a biker it terrifies me. I have almost resigned myself to the fact that I'll probably die on the bonnet of a BMW whose driver won't even notice me until he ends his call!
Should I limit myself to 'red-top style' text of no more than 6 words per sentence in future? How 'bout we just start us another thread entitle "Another car I thought I wouldn't be quicker than, but turns out I am" and then we can all keep our responses to grunts and smilies?
Wasn't supposed to have a punchline. Am I the only one who is fed up with BMW drivers? As a car driver it exasperates me, but as a biker it terrifies me. I have almost resigned myself to the fact that I'll probably die on the bonnet of a BMW whose driver won't even notice me until he ends his call!
02-27-2006, 02:22 AM
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The problem, to a large extent, lies with those that hold the stereotypes.
Put it this way, if an S2000 almost crashed into you would you have as much anger towards the driver as if it were a bmw? As I see it, a little annoying maneouvre by another driver turns into a very annoying one if it's a bmw (or whatever manufacturer you have a chip on the shoulder with).
The stereotype's when used in a jovial/pisstake manner is fun and a laugh, however when people really start taking their stereotypes seriously then they really need to evaluate their attitude.
Put it this way, if an S2000 almost crashed into you would you have as much anger towards the driver as if it were a bmw? As I see it, a little annoying maneouvre by another driver turns into a very annoying one if it's a bmw (or whatever manufacturer you have a chip on the shoulder with).
The stereotype's when used in a jovial/pisstake manner is fun and a laugh, however when people really start taking their stereotypes seriously then they really need to evaluate their attitude.