well you got a year to live
01-20-2005, 05:04 PM
#12
Registered User
My sympathy.
I have no idea how I would handle such news. Rick's Dad passed away unexpectedly and Rick had power of attorney for his Mom who has Alzheimer's. His dad thought all his affairs were in order, but it was not quite as organized as he thought. So we've had a lot to deal with in that area.
With that in mind, the first thing I think I would do if faced with your aunt's situation would be to make sure my affairs are in order so no one has to deal with that.
After that who knows. Rick's aunt was just diagnosed with liver cancer and her time on this earth is very limited. She is in her early 80's and has refused all treatment. She has been depressed and lonely since her husband died, so I guess she is accepting this is her time.
If it were me, I would like to think I'd fight the good fight. But if I knew the fight had a slim to none chance of being a victorious battle, I hope I'd have the courage to accept that and enjoy my time left.
I have no idea how I would handle such news. Rick's Dad passed away unexpectedly and Rick had power of attorney for his Mom who has Alzheimer's. His dad thought all his affairs were in order, but it was not quite as organized as he thought. So we've had a lot to deal with in that area.
With that in mind, the first thing I think I would do if faced with your aunt's situation would be to make sure my affairs are in order so no one has to deal with that.
After that who knows. Rick's aunt was just diagnosed with liver cancer and her time on this earth is very limited. She is in her early 80's and has refused all treatment. She has been depressed and lonely since her husband died, so I guess she is accepting this is her time.
If it were me, I would like to think I'd fight the good fight. But if I knew the fight had a slim to none chance of being a victorious battle, I hope I'd have the courage to accept that and enjoy my time left.
01-20-2005, 05:21 PM
#13
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Based on what I've seen in my life, I'd first sit down and come to grips with it. Try my best to accept it and get over the anger as soon as I could. I don't mean give up, by the way.
Next, as several have stated, get your affairs in order. Then you can rest easy that you've done what you could in that department and move on.
Next on the list, discuss it with the people close to me. Talk it out, let the tears flow when they have, to and make it clear that we all can talk about it whenever we feel the need. Don't let it be the elephant in the room no one discusses, but then don't let it monopolize the conversation either.
If I had young grandchildren I'd want to spend a lot of time with them so they would have a memory of me. Some of my fondest memories are time spent with my grandparents when I was a wee one.
Yeah, I guess I'd try to do some things I always wanted to do. Maybe. I get great enjoyment out of a warm, lazy Spring day now though, so perhaps you'd find me still in the hammock watching the clouds drift by.
I have great sympathy for your aunt, Charlie. A prolonged illness is very difficult for all involved. We all just do our best and have to call that good enough.
Next, as several have stated, get your affairs in order. Then you can rest easy that you've done what you could in that department and move on.
Next on the list, discuss it with the people close to me. Talk it out, let the tears flow when they have, to and make it clear that we all can talk about it whenever we feel the need. Don't let it be the elephant in the room no one discusses, but then don't let it monopolize the conversation either.
If I had young grandchildren I'd want to spend a lot of time with them so they would have a memory of me. Some of my fondest memories are time spent with my grandparents when I was a wee one.
Yeah, I guess I'd try to do some things I always wanted to do. Maybe. I get great enjoyment out of a warm, lazy Spring day now though, so perhaps you'd find me still in the hammock watching the clouds drift by.
I have great sympathy for your aunt, Charlie. A prolonged illness is very difficult for all involved. We all just do our best and have to call that good enough.
01-20-2005, 05:58 PM
#14
Charlie,
As others have said, my thoughts are with you, your aunt, and the entire family. We had a conversation on this forum about a year ago as to whether we should live every day like it's our last. The consensus was, as I recall, that it's probably not appropriate or practical. Certainly you want to enjoy and make the best of each day. But you probably can't function in society if you were truly living the day like it's your last. However, having a "date" certainly changes the focus. I guess I would echo the comments here and say that getting affairs in order would be job 1. The people left behind are the ones most affected by a persons passing. They are the ones left with the grief, loss, and estate issues. Next I would pursue as many "appropriate" medical alternatives as possible. I think we owe it to ourselves to use all our energies to return to health if possible. God gave us those healing abilities. So I wouldn't just throw in the towel. Having said that, I wouldn't go crazy with wild therapies either. As far as my remaining time...well, I'd spend as much as possible with loved ones. I personally wouldn't want to spend my time away from my family climbing mountains or jumping out of airplanes just so I could say I did it. I mean...if it's not something I wanted to do while I was healthy, what reason do I have to do it in the final days? Lastly, I would make peace with my maker and spend alot of time studying and emotionally preparing myself and my family for the last moment of passing. Yes I would want them to mourn and feel the loss, but I would want them to move beyond that so that they can enjoy their lives. When my dad died my mom was completely destroyed. She lived almost 20 more years but could not function without him. Her life was empty. I admired her love and dedication to my dad but she needed to enjoy her life and the memories of their time together. I would want my family to remember me and laugh, not cry. I hope for the best for your family.
As others have said, my thoughts are with you, your aunt, and the entire family. We had a conversation on this forum about a year ago as to whether we should live every day like it's our last. The consensus was, as I recall, that it's probably not appropriate or practical. Certainly you want to enjoy and make the best of each day. But you probably can't function in society if you were truly living the day like it's your last. However, having a "date" certainly changes the focus. I guess I would echo the comments here and say that getting affairs in order would be job 1. The people left behind are the ones most affected by a persons passing. They are the ones left with the grief, loss, and estate issues. Next I would pursue as many "appropriate" medical alternatives as possible. I think we owe it to ourselves to use all our energies to return to health if possible. God gave us those healing abilities. So I wouldn't just throw in the towel. Having said that, I wouldn't go crazy with wild therapies either. As far as my remaining time...well, I'd spend as much as possible with loved ones. I personally wouldn't want to spend my time away from my family climbing mountains or jumping out of airplanes just so I could say I did it. I mean...if it's not something I wanted to do while I was healthy, what reason do I have to do it in the final days? Lastly, I would make peace with my maker and spend alot of time studying and emotionally preparing myself and my family for the last moment of passing. Yes I would want them to mourn and feel the loss, but I would want them to move beyond that so that they can enjoy their lives. When my dad died my mom was completely destroyed. She lived almost 20 more years but could not function without him. Her life was empty. I admired her love and dedication to my dad but she needed to enjoy her life and the memories of their time together. I would want my family to remember me and laugh, not cry. I hope for the best for your family.
01-20-2005, 06:01 PM
#15
Originally Posted by OhioRacer,Jan 20 2005, 09:58 PM
I would want my family to remember me and laugh, not cry.
01-21-2005, 05:33 AM
#16
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Today is my grandmother's birthday. She passed away 3 1/2 years ago. She was a natural comedienne, although at times it wasn't intentional. Mom and I talk about her frequently and we can't help but laugh--even though we still miss her acutely.
01-21-2005, 05:48 AM
#17
I am coping with a really big grief issue at the moment. I recently lost one of my long-time friends. We'd known each for over 30 years. She died of cancer that had spread throughout her body. She chose not to tell ANYONE, even her husband and family, that she had the cancer. She sought no treatment and lived her life the same as always. She did the things she enjoyed up until the last week of her life when she could no longer even get out of the bed. Distraught about her condition, her family wrapped her in blankets and took her to the hospital where they were told she had only days to live. They took her home and she lived her last 3 days in a morphine haze. The shock of all this is incomprehensible and I wake up every morning wondering, go to bed at night wondering and throughout the day I wonder. Part of me commends her for living and dying the way she wanted and part of me is very angry that none of us had a chance to console her in what must have an incredible grief. 
I keep replaying a conversation she and I had shortly before she died. We had lunch together and during the lunch-time convo, she said it was important to always remember never to give up on our relationships with our families and children.
I keep replaying a conversation she and I had shortly before she died. We had lunch together and during the lunch-time convo, she said it was important to always remember never to give up on our relationships with our families and children.
01-21-2005, 06:32 AM
#18
Wow, Darlene. I'm sorry you are sad. :big long hug: Sounds like your friend was a very strong individual. I think that it would be tough to go on as if nothing was wrong after you knew you had cancer. She may have been looking forward to the other side and didn't want people to change how they acted around her. She didn't give anyone the choice to worry about her or encourage her to get treatment. Must be the way she wanted it. I would wonder about that statement too. It would hit home with me, since I gave up on my brother, but I don't know about your relationships.
01-21-2005, 07:15 AM
#19
^ Yes, Darlene...I can understand your ambivalence about your friend's decision. But she did what she felt was right for her and her loved ones. It must have taken incredible strength to do that. I admire her for not wanting to burden anyone with her illness.
As Carmen said, we did have a similar thread before about this subject. I would do as others and make sure my affairs were in order to make my passing as easy as possible for those who remain. But I think the other main thing I would do would be to tell everyone I ever loved how much they meant to me. This would include exes of all sorts (boyfriends, husbands), friends, family. And I'd probably call anyone I ever hurt deeply, apologize, and try to make things right. I'd not want to leave this earth with any regrets.
As Carmen said, we did have a similar thread before about this subject. I would do as others and make sure my affairs were in order to make my passing as easy as possible for those who remain. But I think the other main thing I would do would be to tell everyone I ever loved how much they meant to me. This would include exes of all sorts (boyfriends, husbands), friends, family. And I'd probably call anyone I ever hurt deeply, apologize, and try to make things right. I'd not want to leave this earth with any regrets.
01-21-2005, 09:46 AM
#20
Former Moderator
I know my story isn't the same...but it's at least somewhat similar so possibly relevant.
In 1996 I started dating a 24 year old girl. She had a variety of major health issues (kidney's failing among them) as a result of being in the advanced stages of Lupus. Not long after she and I started dating she went in for a checkup and the doctor told her that she had 18 months at most to live.
Just before Christmas I went to Detroit to visit her and hang out with she and her current boyfriend. She's had bouts with many other health issues in the interim (including 2 heart surgeries), but is still kicking.
In short, my answer is that I would keep living until God (or whatever other force in this universe can do it) takes that life away from me. If I felt like a vacation...I'd vacation. If I felt like reading every book ever written by Hemmingway...I'd read. If I felt like working...I'd work.
My heart goes out to her and everyone who's life she has touched so far and my only words for her are KEEP LIVING!
In 1996 I started dating a 24 year old girl. She had a variety of major health issues (kidney's failing among them) as a result of being in the advanced stages of Lupus. Not long after she and I started dating she went in for a checkup and the doctor told her that she had 18 months at most to live.
Just before Christmas I went to Detroit to visit her and hang out with she and her current boyfriend. She's had bouts with many other health issues in the interim (including 2 heart surgeries), but is still kicking.
In short, my answer is that I would keep living until God (or whatever other force in this universe can do it) takes that life away from me. If I felt like a vacation...I'd vacation. If I felt like reading every book ever written by Hemmingway...I'd read. If I felt like working...I'd work.
My heart goes out to her and everyone who's life she has touched so far and my only words for her are KEEP LIVING!