Vintage jokes..... where are you?
01-04-2007 | 04:37 PM
#1
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 42,345
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From: Mish-she-gan
Vintage jokes..... where are you?
The link for the Palm Lover's great thread to Vintage Jokes II doesn't work.
Oh, well, here's mine for the day........
AGING
An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the
pharmacist for the little blue "Viagra" pill.
The pharmacist asked, "How many?"
The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen. I cut each one into
four pieces."
The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you
through intimacy."
The old fellow said, "Oh, I'm past eighty years old and I don't even
think about intimacy much anymore. I just want it to stick out far
enough so I don't pee on my new golf shoes."
Oh, well, here's mine for the day........
AGING
An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the
pharmacist for the little blue "Viagra" pill.
The pharmacist asked, "How many?"
The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen. I cut each one into
four pieces."
The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you
through intimacy."
The old fellow said, "Oh, I'm past eighty years old and I don't even
think about intimacy much anymore. I just want it to stick out far
enough so I don't pee on my new golf shoes."
01-05-2007 | 05:49 AM
#2
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Posts: 3,086
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From: St. Pete, Florida
01-05-2007 | 07:58 AM
#3
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 486
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From: Richmond, VA
A 90-year old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better . . .
I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child.
What do you think of that?"
The doctor replied, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and
never misses a season. One day he was in a hurry and picked up his
umbrella instead of this gun by mistake. When he got to the creek, he
saw a beaver. He raised his umbrella and went "bang, bang, bang", and
the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?"
The 90-year old said, "I'd say somebody else shot the beaver."
The doctor said, "My point exactly".
I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child.
What do you think of that?"
The doctor replied, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and
never misses a season. One day he was in a hurry and picked up his
umbrella instead of this gun by mistake. When he got to the creek, he
saw a beaver. He raised his umbrella and went "bang, bang, bang", and
the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?"
The 90-year old said, "I'd say somebody else shot the beaver."
The doctor said, "My point exactly".
01-05-2007 | 09:42 AM
#5
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Posts: 22,581
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From: The (S)Low Country
01-06-2007 | 06:00 PM
#6
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Posts: 23,083
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From: Kuna Idaho
01-06-2007 | 08:52 PM
#7
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 43,455
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From: Loveland, CO
Originally Posted by valentine,Jan 5 2007, 09:42 AM
Good Stuff.
Trending Topics
01-07-2007 | 02:23 AM
#8
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,169
Likes: 22
An elderly man in a nursing home told his daughter on several visits
that they were giving him viagra with his hot chocolate every night. The daughter finally had to find out if there was anything to her fathers story. She asked the head nurse, the nurse replied, that's right, the hot chocolate to put him to sleep and the viagra to keep him from rolling out of his bed.
that they were giving him viagra with his hot chocolate every night. The daughter finally had to find out if there was anything to her fathers story. She asked the head nurse, the nurse replied, that's right, the hot chocolate to put him to sleep and the viagra to keep him from rolling out of his bed.
01-07-2007 | 09:04 AM
#9
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Posts: 3,077
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From: EstesPark/BocaRaton
Not necessarily Vintage, I guess, but it seems pertinent, given the medium:
Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer.
They had been going at it for days, and frankly, God was tired of hearing all the bickering.
Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job."
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded.
They did spreadsheets!
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards.
They created charts and graphs.
They did some genealogy reports.
They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.
Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.
Jesus just sighed.
Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers.
Satan started searching frantically, screaming: "It's gone! It's all GONE! "I lost everything when the power went out!"
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.
Satan observed this and became irate. "Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"
God just shrugged and said, "JESUS SAVES."
Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer.
They had been going at it for days, and frankly, God was tired of hearing all the bickering.
Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job."
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded.
They did spreadsheets!
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards.
They created charts and graphs.
They did some genealogy reports.
They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.
Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.
Jesus just sighed.
Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers.
Satan started searching frantically, screaming: "It's gone! It's all GONE! "I lost everything when the power went out!"
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.
Satan observed this and became irate. "Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"
God just shrugged and said, "JESUS SAVES."