Lainey

Patty, those that had things in common with loved ones who are gone probably often feel that way.

Rick's father had 10 green thumbs. So does Rick. I kind of feel Rick's Dad around us when I watch Rick work in the yard with his plants.

RC - Ryder

I was reared by my grandmother. She died in 1957, when I as 12 years old. To this day, my only picture of her is a prized possesion. It's kind of strange for me, but I sense she urges me to touch the lives of each of my grandchildren in some special way.

bborzell

It happens to me, but it's not verbal. In most ways, I am who I am today because of who my father was. In certain other ways, the rest of me is filled in by who my mother was.

I lost both of them when I was 14 years old. My father died in a single car crash on a lonely road between Marysville and Sacramento and my mother died a few months later. My guess is that she just gave up.

My mother was not a happy person. She was physically and emotionally abusive to me and my brother and sister up until the point when my brother moved out at age 13 and my sister married the first guy she dated at 18. As for me, I can recall the day she started to hit me and I grabbed her hand mid swing and told her that she would never do that again. While there was much about how we related that I didn't like, some of my passion and ability to focus has to be linked back to her.

My father was an easy going person who worked at two or three jobs at a time in order to try to regain some of the economic standing we had when we lived in New York. Moving to California was both an emotional and economic shock to my mother and he spent the rest of his life trying to make up for that. From him, I got an incredibly valuable view of people and the world that has been the hall mark of my success in life and relationships. With no formal training, he came to understand the relationship between what people do outwardly and what might be going on to motivate that behavior.

While I don't hear his words anymore, I have a significant sense of who is was and how he would deal with what has gone on in my life during the 48 years since he died. Strangely, many people have told me over the years that they can't understand how I made it through life so well given that I had no parents and was on my own during the most important period of my adolescent years. I simply tell them that I took good notes while I had the chance.

valentine

^^ WOW, BB -- that post brought tears to my eyes. I don't go visit my dad's grave often anymore. I try to go on Father's Day and on his birthday and I take a single rose. His favorite hymn was Just One Rose Will Do: "When time shall come for my leaving, when I bid you adieu, don't spend your money for flowers, just one rose will do." Even though he died in 1995, I still have a really hard time believing he's gone and frequently I have dreams and see him in my dreams the way I remember him from my childhood, smiling and with thick curly hair. When I wake up in the morning, I wake up very happy that he looked so good in my dream. He was a very strong power figure in my family and my sisters, brother and I respected him a little fearfully, since he was quick to not spare the rod if you know what I mean. He was a compassionate and caring man, but during the time of my youth, the one Bible verse you heard the most as a child was, "spare the rod and spoil the child." I loved him then, I love him now and often think many of the decisions I've made in my life were colored by my thinking of whether he'd approve of this decision or if he'd be proud of what I'd done. My S2000 was probably bought because he and I shared so many happy days driving around in my 1979 MGMidget named Bridget. We'd take off and daddy and I had matching golf caps that we wore. I remember as soon as I'd get the top down, we'd hop in the Midget and daddy and I would look at each other and he'd giggle when we put on those golf caps and say, "well, we've got on our go to hell hats". I really can't remember where that "go to hell hat" phrase came from, but it was our little ceremony, we'd laugh our heads off and drive and drive for miles into the countryside. Daddy loved that little sportscar and I'm sure he's very proud of my S2000.

Lainey

Nice sentiments all!


I also dream about my Dad from time to time. In my dreams he's healthy and not hooked up to an O2 tank, or looking so frail.

bborzell

I have similar memories of doing things together. We used to walk into town every so often. What should have been an hour round trip would stretch to 2-3 hours because he knew so many people and would take time to talk to all of them.

ralper

That is exactly the sentence I was going to start my post with.

I am who I am because my father was who he was. He taught me most everything that I know, everything thats worth knowing anyway. I worked for him for a long time, through junior high, high school and college. He was the smartest man I've ever known.

I've believe that those of us who came before us leave a piece of themselves in all of us. I know that I have a lot of my father in me.

I oftentimes find myself wondering what he would do if situations that I find myself in. I often look to him for advice, and I still pick up the phone, every now and again just to call him even though he's been gone for over a year and a half.

In a few weeks I'm picking up my mother and going to the cemetary to visit with my father, just to see how he's doing.

I still miss him very badly.

Kyras

I'm sorry you hurt, Rob, but it's good too. He was a good man.

MsPerky

Boy, this is hitting me hard...my mother is very ill, over and above her ongoing back problem. I took her to her pain management appt yesterday. She is having severe nausea and hasn't really eaten much in about three weeks. She got a new anti-nausea med yesterday, but I'm not optimistic. It's day to day.

I haven't made a final decision, but I probably won't be going to Spring Fling. I'm giving it another week to decide, after my sister and brother come for a visit.

Lainey

Deb,

I'm so sorry your Mom is not feeling well. I know we all hope for her to see some improvement, and of course, hope that you can be with us in NY.

If you don't make the trip, it's understandable. Many of us have been where you are now, dealing with parents who are not well. It's so hard and