Thanks for the convo, Patty. Hope you continue to keep your chin up and forge forward. The best is yet to come. You bring a special openness and a lot of spirit to our group!!! {{{hugs}}}

 

Thank you for the phone call, sweetheart. I know I shouldn't complain, and that I'm healthy, and have many blessings but I am just a big wah-wah nowdays. It sucks. I need to go sit with my Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends, book again. One of our Vintage friends told me about it and it's great, for divorcing, breaking up and even if you're working to get back together to heal a relationship.

 

 

Just be sure to surround yourself with positive people (like us - ) to help you along the way.

 

We need that Patty "smile" back in Vintage. Don't make me ship my couch out there

 

Valentine, I'm going to use this thread to snivel. You're right that I bring openness. To those of you who don't want to see a public sniveling, you won't want to read this. I am going to be open here for two reasons. One is to vent and maybe get some more encouragement from my friends here. The other is for people who don't go public like me, but are experiencing similar things right now. Maybe they will get some relief by reading my sniveling. I know I am getting a little relief by reading this book, and knowing that what I'm experiencing is normal, and that I probably won't really go crazy nor do myself in. I hope my posts may help someone who reads them.


Okay, I've found the Chapter to work on. Chapter 8: Grief.

This is from the book Rebuilding, When Your Relationship Ends by Dr. Bruce Fisher and Cr. Robert Alberti.

"Whenever there is a loss of someone or something important in our lives, we suffer grief... (Health issues or death go here too.) For divorce, there is no prescribed ritual other than the court hearing, and grief is often not acknowledged or accepted. But, the death of a love relationship is more than enough cause for us to grieve."

Common Symptoms of Grief

* Verbal Diarrhea. Many people talk continuously about thier situations until they drive away their friends.

* A push-pull effect. You pull people toward you emotionally, to fill your empty feeling in your gut, but push them away when they get too close, to prevent further emotional pain.

*Feeling emotionally drained and not sleeping.

*Eating may be a problem. Have to force yourself.

* Sighing often. The deep breathing of the sigh seems to "carry feelings from the gut" that need release."

* Rapid mood changes. You have moved from the black pits of grief and finally feel good, then without apparent reason, you are out of control emotionally, unable to keep form crying.

*A sense of loss of reality, of being in a daze.

*A period of lack of contact with your emotions. The emotional pain is so great; you have to protect yourself from feeling too much by deadening your emotions. You may sense an emotional numbness.

* Fantasizing. You may fantasize that you see or hear the former love partner.

* Loneliness, lack of concentration, weakness, and helplessness, depression, guilt, lack of interest in sex.

* Self-criticism. A need to continually question your errors.

* Anger. Chapter 9 is all about this one.

* Suicidal feelings are common.

* "Am I going crazy?" Due to uncontrollable mood swings, loss of reality, fantasies, depression, suicidal feelings. <May be normal grief reaction if you feel you are going crazy.


Next up, The Stages of Grief... There are 5. At least I'm up to 3.

 

Maury, I think you had better come out with the couch. I'm feeling pretty poorly.

Thanks for making me smile!!

 

Looks like they weren't friends to begin with.

Vent all you need, dear Patricia. I don't have the talent to condense what little wisdom I have into a post, but I'm a good listener.

JonasM

 

Yeah, that's not one I've commited but then I can tell real soon when a friend isn't there for that kind of thing. Sometimes people have so much buried grief in themselves, they can't be there for you, and yours. I see it and stop.

 

Well, I was pointing that one out because I was poking a little fun at your posting your current life's story here on the site. Far from being annoyed, however, I think most of us feel privileged to share in the emotions that you're going through right now. Also, we're NOT that kind of friend that the book talks about.

JonasM