OK...as some of you know, I don't have any children of my own, but my +1 has two (son 14 and daughter 18), who live with their mother in FL. And the daughter has a boyfriend who is attached at the hip. Anywho, in addition to all of them being up here with us for two weeks next summer (we are going to a dude ranch for part of it), his son will probably be with us most of the summer. I get along great with him, he's a really nice boy, and I don't foresee any problems. But it will be a big change for me, since I'm not used to having kids around much.

I'm sure lots of you have advice for me on how to make the experience the best for all of us, so let me hear it! Thanks.

 

Well, now, seems like you already came upon the solution to this in that other thread you started the other day.

Send them to the Grand Canyon while you go to Alaska.

That ought to put enough distance in between so's you'll never notice. HPH

 

Just be yourself.

 

Yeah, they are coming in June, which is when I thought about taking those trips. I do plan to have the +1 spend alot of time with them (him) without me, since he isn't able to see them that much and I feel strongly about the need for him to renew the bonds.

 

Deb,
I think step-anything is a difficult concept -- laden with all kinds of possible pitfalls. An outsider coming in to someone elses family has it tough! There are predictable preconceptions that people naturally schlep along -- in the beginning.

But it can also be a fantastic opportunity if it works out.

Let me just interject a personal story. My +1, Chris, is really not too much older than my daughter Kim. When Chris had first arrived in town, Kim dropped by to meet her. I was actually on my way out to teach a class, so they were sort of left alone -- in the blue! They both still tell the story of how awkward they felt and how they looked for something fitting to say. Well the two of them bonded so tightly with time that I sometimes think Chris likes Kim better than me!? Seriously, they are family -- and great friends.

Anyway, I hope it works out well for you. Knowing you, I'm sure it will!!

 

I think that in the beginning tolerence is needed by everyone. There will be things they do that you may not be used to and find annoying and vice versa. If you are ready to experience these things then it will be alot easier to deal with.

It could be silly little things like leaving dirty dishes in the sink when the dishwasher is empty. You may not do this but they might.

I had a stepfather and can tell you that it is much easier for everyone if tolerence is excercised until you get more comfortable in the situation.

So, as Rob said, 'be yourself' but also be tolerent and ease into it.

 

I have no sage advice as to how to deal with this. The only real experience I have with young children since all of mine are pretty much grown is the grandkids. When they are here, I have to just be quiet when they make messes (and they invariably do), not hover when I just know they're "screwing up" my computer . . . Lord I just hate it when they pounce on my computer!!! I quietly just leave the room when they begin to rifle through my cds and turn the volume wayyyyy too high on my stereo. I have certain rules that are not broken UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES . . . one of which is no food or beverages in my living room. Food and beverages are allowed in the family room but not in the living room. They roll their eyes at me, but I think they actually think its kind of funny. I just prepare myself to let things go and try to enjoy our meal times together and they pretty much rule when they're here. After they leave I worry about the mess and do damage control, but I make certain that if they have something to say it is the most important thing in the world to me and I listen. I never tell my granddaughter how much more beautiful she is if she doesn't wear black eyeliner and too-tight jeans (and don't even think about that belly-button hanging out for the world to see) and I never tell my grandson how much more handsome he would be if his hair weren't pink or orange or green or blue. I just am thankful they want to see me.

 

Deb,
That's normally a good idea. I might just add that you need to be prepared for the possibility that all kinds of little things could get misinterpreted, since you inevitably don't know each other well yet. Just for example say, your well-intended gesture to - let the kids have a lot of time with him without me - c

 

Deb: I reared a stepdaughter from age six and visa versa +1 for my son and daughter. Perhaps it was easier because they all were so young. Strangely, my stepdaughter is more attentive, respectful, and more like me than my own. Same is true between my son and my step +1.
I don't think there is a secret formula for success other than giving of your true self. You will get checked out for sure, but your sincerity, honesty and respect for their space are your most effective tools. Adventures are nice and ice breakers and memorable, but even young kids can smell out discomfort, staging and phony situations. Listening alone goes a long way to spotting insecurities and being able to make adjustments on the fly. Excessive questioning is often perceived as intrusion into space. Assume what they will want is to be in a comfort zone and a family-like environment. So, be sincere, receptive, and especially be yourself. Kids generally want to be liked, so assume they will give an equal opportunity. I think TV exaggerates these situations and makes us overly apprehensive. Most often, these encounters go quite well. Think positive and just "let it happen."

 

Just be yourself and you'll be fine.