I went over to some friends' house tonight, who had lost their son. I never have participated in this Jewish ritual before, although I've been to wakes and funerals of other cultures. Many things are the same everywhere, as people try to remember the person who has died at the same time as they try to accept that the person has died.

Perhaps the biggest difference between this and a Christian ceremony was that most Christian ceremonies seem to focus on the person who has died, while this ceremony seemed more directly aimed at the people who were still alive. The focus was on support for them, even at the same time as people told stories about their memories of the person who had died.

It's interesting that food always seems to be a part of these ceremonies. I guess that's just our human experience -- the people we share food with are our community.

Even though I don't believe in a soul, an afterlife, or God, I do believe that people live on through their impact on the world and the other people who are still living in it. I found this to be a moving ceremony precisely because it celebrated that idea.

 

^^^
I do research with a remote indigenous culture in Mexico that maintains its ancient precolumbian cosmology. They do believe in souls as an explanation for movement, thought, illness, death, -- and even for intoxication (a recurring experience for adults in this culture). Souls are like the wind. The body has many souls of differing sizes, depending on where they reside in the body and what tasks they perform. The biggest soul, responsible for intelligence and thought, resides in the head. Then there is the large soul that lives in the chest and torso area that is responsible for vital movement and orientation. Each arm has its own soul. For many of the people, tiny souls even live in each movable part -- a finger joint, for example, to move that segment. (But there is not widespread agreement about the actual number of souls, and in general there is a lack of orthodoxy in the culture.)

In intoxication the big souls do not like the taste or smell of the culture's beloved corn beer (batari), so as the imbiber drinks more and more, the two largest souls depart the body and hang around in an aura, going further away as the odor gets stronger, -- leaving the inibriated body alone to direct itself. If the body becomes too intoxicated the souls do not re-enter -- resulting in death.

And in the case of any death or dying, whatever the cause, the souls depart and linger outside the body.

I have to abbreviate here...

The story about what may happen to the big soul, after death, gets long and complicated, but it stays around in the vicinity of the body until it is released to soar on its own to do good -- or evil. It may then change form and become dangerous to the surviving community.

So there is a ritual ceremony that takes place about a month after a person dies. The souls must be released to be able to leave the valley and go away. As in the wake story above, the survivors share food and drink. The women make huge amounts of food, and brew corn beer. Interconnected households of all the neighboring valleys are represented at the wake. There is much feasting, and dancing, and chanting, and socializing, and laughter. Many stories are told about the life and deeds of the deceased. The Shaman plays a significant role. Food and drink are offered to the Sun God, and some of both is left in wooden dishes for the souls of the deceased to enjoy on their journey.

The ceremony has a two-fold purpose -- to release the souls back to the Sun God and to make sure that they do not linger in the valley to create mischief and disease, -- and to celebrate the person's life. This latter function is similar to the idea that Mike is alluding to above. It serves the living by helping to make the beloved live on in their memories, and it metaphorically makes the inevitability of death more acceptable and understandable.

 

Another non-believer here, but yes, the rituals provide comfort, and there's no harm in that.

Speaking of different cultures, I just finished John Burdett's Bangkok Haunts, the third in a series of book about a Thai policeman. His books give a fascinating insight to the Thai culture and how their dead return to new bodies in an endless cycle, with your station in life dependant on your performance in past lives.

He described Funeral Roulette, which was a neat idea. If the dead person doesn't have enough good friends willing to sit with the spirit/ghost for a week, then the spouse or close family member must host an illegal gambling session to attract mourners.

 

That's very cool Jim. I do believe in some power greater than me that I choose to call "God". I use that 3 letter word because it's easier to grasp the concept for myself and the rest of society. However, it differs from the God of the organized religions. I believe finding God is a lifelong journey although I don't ever expect to understand God. At one point in my journey of discovery I thought that "we" were God. Not me in the singular, but we, as in all of us. When we put our thoughts and actions together for good, humans can do amazing things. Isn't that what God does? The fellowship of humans can change attitudes, behaviors, etc. where no other single human could. Then there are times where I believed "thought" was God either via the energy we emit or some other way. Believing in a higher power which I choose to call God will grease the skids for my exit. If there is one when I die, then cool. If not, I won't care because I'll be dead.

 

I like the idea of having a celebration of the loved one's life. I did this informally after Auntie died. First in VA at my parents' house, where family gathered to share memories. Then again at the luncheon after her burial in NC, where friends shared their stories about her and my uncle. I think everyone really enjoyed it.

 

My neighbor, just 4 years older, was wheeled out from her house across the street on Monday by the funeral home while I watched through the front window. Another reminder how short life is.

 

Several years ago, I lost a friend who was only in his 40's. His children and former wife held a "celebration of his life" in his backyard. His children wrote his obituary and within the information about the celebration a request was made. It said "don't wear black."

A few people got up and spoke about this man and I thought the whole thing was a really nice way to remember someone.

 

 

Thought you might be intrested in the link below. Shiva is a very structured process of dealing with death and getting back into life.

http://www.aish.com/literacy/lifecycle/The...ng.asp#threeday

 

Sitting Shiva in my family has always been a celebration of the person's life and the joy that they brought to the family. In two instances one where my father, never sick a day in his life, woke up complained of a headache and was dead within 10 minutes, and my uncle that was murdered at his business , both were shocking but we spent the next seven days remembering the good times, remembering the stories, and bringing the family closer together. Shiva is a healing process for the family.