dyhppy

i mean no disrespect towards any of you, but rather seek your wisdom and advice.

my father was a workaholic college professor/researcher. he has recently retired and sits around the house with nothing to do. he's getting grumpier, getting mad and random stuff and is just not in good shape. i know there is no real solution that you can tell me, as it is up to him to find some meaning or purpose for himself. as it is now, it's like he's waiting to die.

i'd just like to hear any thoughts u might have on the subject.

thnx

willinathen

Sounds as if retirement may not be his cup of tea.

How does he feel about it? has he vocalized any feelings?

Sometimes people have a vision of what is expected of them in retirement. Maybe he feels he is "supposed to" retire now and learn to like it.

Remind him this can be an opportunity for him to do the things he's always wanted to do, but couldn't because of his other responsibilities. Surely, for someone with his backround, there is still meaningful and satisfying work he could do if he wants that.

Willinathen

ralper

It is very difficult for a workaholic to stop working or even to slow down. For good or for bad, it is through work that the workaholic defines himself and gains a sense of self worth. Now that your father has retired he has lost a large, very important part of himself. He is lost. I know this first hand. I could stop working, except that emotionally I can't.

You've hit the nail on the head. He needs to find something to be involved in, some new way to channel his energy and define himself. Just because he's retired doesn't mean he has to stop working. There are plenty of young business that could benefit from his experience on a part time basis. There are plenty or organizations that could use a helping hand. There are plenty of things that he can do for the pay he needs. The pay he needs is satisfaction.

Your job is to help direct him, to show him the way, to let him know that he can do something, anything of value. The gold watch that the university gave him only means that he is finished with that part of his career, not that he is finished with life.

Help him to find something meaningful to do.

MsPerky

Unfortunately, many men do seem to be defined by their work, and when they don't have it anymore, they are lost. Lots of retirees end up going back to work at least part time, either in their profession or in something entirely new. Perhaps your dad could do that, or volunteer. There is such a demand for good teachers all over, I can't believe he couldn't do something more in teaching if he wants to. Helping others is a great way to get your mind off of yourself, too. Good luck!

MsPerky

^ Looks like Rob and I were on the same wavelength at the same time.

DrCloud

Assuming he wasn't forced by his college into retirement (in which case he could be embittered beyond further professional activity), he could segue his career into editorial work for journals in his field. It's always better to plan in advance to do this, of course, but it's probably not too late to start now. In practice, that means that he'd screen lots of submissions and review some, consult with others on the editorial board about directions and so on. (You start down this path by contacting editors-in-chief, some of whom he's likely to know.) That way, he'd stay in contact with the research he'd been doing before and make contributions that could provide the sort of rewards he's now missing. HPH

dlq04

Here's a few thoughts.

Try a conversation with him about his early life. Tell him anything to get him talking about himself before he became a big shot college professor/researcher and try to find out what he dreamed of doing, seeing, etc. that envolved just time and money, which he probably has lots of now. Listen closely and see if something comes up that could be an interesting hobby for him to enjoy now. Most of us had many things that we dreamed of doing before we got sucked into the world of real work....... some of mine were racing (so I track the S2000, crew on a vintage racer, attend races), painting (so I oil paint), model cars (so I still make 'em and wish I room for a full-time train set-up or model car race track), photography (so I play with a camera), restore cars (still play with wrenches), hockey (great having a grandson who just had his 2nd hat-trick of year this past Sat), ....... anyways you get the idea.

How about genealogy. I never had any idea how interesting and time consuming it could be until I got into by accident when my wife's mother died. I didn't do the normal approach, as I expanded it into researching everything of interest including the towns, their history, etc. The dry dates and names mean nothing to me but discovering what they did, how they did it, where they did it, etc. was interesting to learn and to share. For example, if I found out they joined the gold rush, I then research the gold rush and tried to document key interesting points of that period into the report.

As for getting off his butt. Get him a puppy. Puppy's grow up really quick and suddenly you have dog who you start to walk and before you know it, that dog is getting you to walk - no matter what the weather. That in turn gets you to met others along the way. If nothing else, it gets you out of the chair.

I was lucky, I had so many hobbies there still is not enough time in the day for me and I've been retired 5 years........... loving every minute of it. I know this probably sounds crazy but I would rather be an alcoholic than a workaholic; I've always felt sorry for them.

Lt_Colonel_Special_Forces

It can get very boring and frustrating if there's nothing to do. A good/fun hobby should take care of it. Let's see, gardening, woodworking, enthusiastic driving, et cetera, are all fun things to do.

RC - Ryder

Rob made lots of good points. Give it some time - like a year at least. Get him out of the house. Help to develop a routine. Take note of his eating habits. A pet can do wonders, because of their dependence on others. Hobbies and the want to volunteer can take time to develop. My Dad retired at age 73 , and it was hard for him to get oriented. His work had also been his social life. He quit because his wife died and that only added to the problem. I planned diligently and would recommend the same for others. I filled my days with hobbies and activities, but it was still not easy. Give it some time, try to stay involved, find out what his "button" are, encourage rather than give lots of guidance, and let him figure out that he remains in control.

dyhppy

thank you guys. i certainly agree with your advice, however, i did manage to leave out one piece of info. he feels very limited with what he can now do because he has parkinson's disease. if it wasn't for it, he prob would not have retired, but it became dangerous for him to be by himself. he talks about things he wants to pursue and i encourage him, but it's like there is a wall and he doesn't have the energy, motivation or pressure to start climbing. in any case, thank you for the advice.