I'm getting serious about someone that is about a 95% perfect, I'm 60 she is 55. the 5% down side is she only feels like making love about once a Mo. I kid her about social security sex, nice but not really enough to live on.
So, since this is the Vintage group, any suggestions or recomedations on one of the herbal libido boosters ???

 

cuddle her ... make her feel beautiful. do it again. Hold her in your arms like you will never let go. do it again. kiss her tenderly ... sleep softly ... don't let her go.

 

PP,
do ALL of that, from stoping her in the kitchen while she's helping me prep a meal to kiss and hug, to sleeping in uncumfortable positions so she can sleep in what she calls her "sweet spot" her face resting on my chest. LOTS and LOTS of huging and cuddleing.
plus a lot more of getting her way instead of the 50/50 compermise we started out at and still no passion and not even a little lust ????

 

This longwinded answer probably won't please you, but here goes...No passion and not alot of lust on her part sounds like a dealbreaker. I'm sure it would have been in my previous relationships and probably for my +1, although it wasn't an issue so I didn't find out.

It appears sex is more than 5% of the relationship to you. Does she *want* to make love more often, but physically has no desire? Hormone deficiency/treatment during and after menopause can have an effect on libido. Some women lose their desire at that stage of life. Others keep right on going.

Or is she just wired not to be that interested? Did she used to be sexual but wound down as she got older, or has her desire been low all along? If it's the former, there is hope of rekindling that spark. Open and honest communication between the two of you is key. You need to have a frank discussion with her about it - signals don't seem to be working. If this is a problem at the beginning of your relationship, it doesn't sound promising.

If she's willing, I suggest she see her OB/GYN to discuss it. Or you can see a sex therapist together. Most things I've read say there is really nothing out there that works as a physical remedy for women. Some were recommending Viagra for women, but the evidence points to not that helpful. I hope you find some way to make it work. Good luck!!

 

I have found that once a woman's drive is gone, it's gone!

Cuddling, etc. simply takes the place of sex. It doesn't help us guys at all!

 

Others have made really good comments. Has she perhaps had a hysterectomy? Learn more about her past life and experiences; perhaps, there is something there to explain excessive caution, reluctance, or the inability to adequately relax. Perhaps, she testing you or your sincerity. Good luck.

 

Yes, many women who have had hysterectomies don't like to take their hormone pills and without them the "urge" just isn't there all that often.

And then there are people who just don't have that strong a sex urge. Never had and never will.

 

I agree with Deb. I think it has to do with the chemistry. I had zero desire for my ex-to-be and didn't want him to touch me (I didn't like him anymore) but have had mucho desire for other guys since him, and experienced two of them.

I'm not one with a strong sex drive but that doesn't mean I don't like getting laid. (Can I say that in Vintage?)

 

You just did, didn't you?

 

Yeah, I did. I'm bad.