Laugh of the day
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Kyras (04-01-2022)
04-02-2022 | 05:11 PM
#686
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 29,471
Likes: 1,146
From: Six Metro stops short of insanity.
Words of Advice from An Old Hillbilly:
-Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
-Keep skunks, bankers, and politicians at a distance.
-Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
-A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
-Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.
-The best sermons are lived, not preached.
-Forgive your enemies; its what GOD says to do.
-If you don't take the time to do it right, you'll find the time to do it twice.
-Don't corner something that is meaner than you.
-Don’t pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he’ll just kill you.
-It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.
-You cannot unsay a cruel word.
-Every path has a few puddles.
-When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
-Don't be banging your shin on a stool that's not in the way.
-Borrowing trouble from the future doesn't deplete the supply.
-Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway.
-Don’t judge folks by their relatives.
-Silence is sometimes the best answer.
-Don‘t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t botherin' you none.
-Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
-If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.
-Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
-The biggest troublemaker you’ll ever have to deal with watches you from the mirror every mornin’.
-Always drink upstream from the herd.
-Good judgment comes from experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment.
-Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.
-If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.
-Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.
-Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
-Most times, it just gets down to common sense.
-Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
-Keep skunks, bankers, and politicians at a distance.
-Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
-A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
-Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.
-The best sermons are lived, not preached.
-Forgive your enemies; its what GOD says to do.
-If you don't take the time to do it right, you'll find the time to do it twice.
-Don't corner something that is meaner than you.
-Don’t pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he’ll just kill you.
-It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.
-You cannot unsay a cruel word.
-Every path has a few puddles.
-When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
-Don't be banging your shin on a stool that's not in the way.
-Borrowing trouble from the future doesn't deplete the supply.
-Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway.
-Don’t judge folks by their relatives.
-Silence is sometimes the best answer.
-Don‘t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t botherin' you none.
-Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
-If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.
-Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
-The biggest troublemaker you’ll ever have to deal with watches you from the mirror every mornin’.
-Always drink upstream from the herd.
-Good judgment comes from experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment.
-Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.
-If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.
-Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.
-Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
-Most times, it just gets down to common sense.
Last edited by kgf3076; 04-02-2022 at 05:16 PM.
04-02-2022 | 08:09 PM
#687
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 6,024
Likes: 1,852
From: Foothills East of Sacramento
Lots of great advice.
All I can add is: Never go out with a woman who's problems are greater than your own.
Plus this from the military:
“You, you, and you . . . panic. The rest of you come with me.” – U.S. Marine Corps Gunnery Sgt.
“Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.” – Unknown Marine Recruit
“If it’s dirty, clean it. If it squeaks, oil it. If it works, don’t screw with it! – USAF Electronic Technician
“If you see a bomb technician running, keep up with him.” – USAF – Ammo Troop
A Navigator’s Definition of Latitude & Longitude: “Latitude is where we are lost, and longitude is how long we’ve been lost there!” – USAF navi-guesser (as opposed to navi-gator)
“If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it’s probably a helicopter. In any case, it’s probably unsafe.”
“Helicopters don’t really fly. They simply beat the air into submission.”
“If something hasn’t broken on your helicopter, it’s about to.”
“What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies. If a controller screws up, the pilot dies.”
The two most dangerous words in a two-pilot airplane are: “Watch this!”
The most valuable advice an instructor ever gave me: “Always keep the pointy end forward.”
The three most common words spoken by lousy pilots who can’t keep the pointy end forward: “You got it!”
“Mankind has a perfect record in aviation. We’ve never left one up there!”
“You know your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.”
Don't draw fire. It irritates the people around you.
Tracers work both ways.
If the enemy is in range, so are you.
Don't be the first, don't be the last, never volunteer for anything.
The only time you have to much fuel is when you are on fire.
Five second fuses last about three seconds.
Nothing is so good for the morale of the troops as to occasionally see a dead general.
Friendly fire isn't.
If you find yourself in a fair fight, you did not plan your mission properly.
If it is stupid but works, it isn't stupid.
Airspeed, altitude, and brains. Two of these are necessary to successfully complete the mission.
The optimist invents the airplane. The pessimist invents the parachute.
“When one engine fails on a twin-engine air plane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.”
“What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies;
If ATC screws up, …. The pilot dies.”
“Why is it doing that?”, “Where are we?” and “Oh shoot!”
“Flying the air plane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground who is incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.”
“The Piper Cub is the safest air plane in the world; it can just barely kill you.”
“There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.”
“If something hasn’t broken on your helicopter, it’s about to.”
Heard muttered by Dale Woods!
As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives; the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, “What happened?” The pilot’s reply: “Beats the heck outta me, I just got here myself.”
The difference between a flight attendant and a jet engine? One stops whining when it gets to the gate.
How does a pilot get a flight attendant to come to his room? Makes sounds like an ice machine.
How does a flight attendant get a pilot to come to her room? Just asks him.
All I can add is: Never go out with a woman who's problems are greater than your own.
Plus this from the military:
“You, you, and you . . . panic. The rest of you come with me.” – U.S. Marine Corps Gunnery Sgt.
“Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.” – Unknown Marine Recruit
“If it’s dirty, clean it. If it squeaks, oil it. If it works, don’t screw with it! – USAF Electronic Technician
“If you see a bomb technician running, keep up with him.” – USAF – Ammo Troop
A Navigator’s Definition of Latitude & Longitude: “Latitude is where we are lost, and longitude is how long we’ve been lost there!” – USAF navi-guesser (as opposed to navi-gator)
“If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it’s probably a helicopter. In any case, it’s probably unsafe.”
“Helicopters don’t really fly. They simply beat the air into submission.”
“If something hasn’t broken on your helicopter, it’s about to.”
“What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies. If a controller screws up, the pilot dies.”
The two most dangerous words in a two-pilot airplane are: “Watch this!”
The most valuable advice an instructor ever gave me: “Always keep the pointy end forward.”
The three most common words spoken by lousy pilots who can’t keep the pointy end forward: “You got it!”
“Mankind has a perfect record in aviation. We’ve never left one up there!”
“You know your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.”
Don't draw fire. It irritates the people around you.
Tracers work both ways.
If the enemy is in range, so are you.
Don't be the first, don't be the last, never volunteer for anything.
The only time you have to much fuel is when you are on fire.
Five second fuses last about three seconds.
Nothing is so good for the morale of the troops as to occasionally see a dead general.
Friendly fire isn't.
If you find yourself in a fair fight, you did not plan your mission properly.
If it is stupid but works, it isn't stupid.
Airspeed, altitude, and brains. Two of these are necessary to successfully complete the mission.
The optimist invents the airplane. The pessimist invents the parachute.
“When one engine fails on a twin-engine air plane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.”
“What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies;
If ATC screws up, …. The pilot dies.”
“Why is it doing that?”, “Where are we?” and “Oh shoot!”
“Flying the air plane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground who is incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.”
“The Piper Cub is the safest air plane in the world; it can just barely kill you.”
“There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.”
“If something hasn’t broken on your helicopter, it’s about to.”
Heard muttered by Dale Woods!
As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives; the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, “What happened?” The pilot’s reply: “Beats the heck outta me, I just got here myself.”
The difference between a flight attendant and a jet engine? One stops whining when it gets to the gate.
How does a pilot get a flight attendant to come to his room? Makes sounds like an ice machine.
How does a flight attendant get a pilot to come to her room? Just asks him.
The following 2 users liked this post by cosmomiller:
robb (04-02-2022),
windhund116 (04-02-2022)
04-02-2022 | 08:22 PM
#688
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 10,715
Likes: 1,561
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robb (04-03-2022)
