A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
'What's the matter, dear' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night
The husband looks up from his coffee, 'It's the 20th anniversary of the day we met'. She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.
The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating, I was 18 and you were only 16,' he says solemnly.
Once again, the wife is touched to tears. 'Yes, I do' she replies. The husband pauses The words were not coming easily. 'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car'
'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself into the chair beside him.
The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years'
'I remember that, too' she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said "I would have gotten out today."

 

My wife made a to-do list...

I wasn't on it.

 

Your killing me!

 

Everyone needs a bit of pun in life.

 

I meet my wife at a singles night.
I was surprised because I thought she was home with the kids.

 

Yesterday I bought a world map, gave my wife a dart and said “ Throw this and wherever it lands I will take you on vacation”. We’re spending three weeks behind the fridge.

 

I love bacon. Sometimes I'll eat it two times a day. Keeps my mind off those terrible chest pains I keep getting.

 

Did you ever get up in the morning and look in the mirror and think, "That can't be accurate"?

 

Did you know that when you're asked who your favorite child is, you're supposed to pick one of your own?