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I seems that a an undisclosed employee of The White House laundry detail has been identified as having a connection to the post on E-bay that was advertising a one of a kind personalized bathrobe that then First Lady Hillary Clinton had specially made for President Bill Clinton during his last term. Apparently, during the transition time of the Clinton and Bush Administrations, while the Clinton's were moving out of The White House not all of the Clinton's laundry made it back from the White House laundry in time for the Clinton's movers.
Reportedly, it is a very nice heavy white cotton terry robe that comes to about mid-thigh with the "Personalized Clinton Presidential Seal" embroidered on the left chest area. The detail of which can be seen below,
The US government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.
Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that!
An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the
Pharmacist for the little blue "Viagra" pill.
The pharmacist asked, "How many?"
The man replied," Just a few, maybe a half dozen. I cut each one into
four pieces.
"The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose.That won't get you
through sex."
The old fellow said, "Oh, I'm past eighty years old and I don't even
think about sex much anymore. I just want it to stick out
far enough so I don't pee on my new shoes...
One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him.
Bush asks him, "George, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?"
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, and then fades away.
The next night, Bush is a stir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"
"Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from sight.
The third night sleep is still not in the cards for Bush. He awakens to see the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin, what is the best thing I can do to help the
country?"
"Help the less fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies and fades into the mist.
Bush isn't sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Bush pleads, "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now to help the country?"
A small Mississippi Wild Animal Park acquired a very rare species of gorilla.
Within a few weeks, the gorilla, who was a female, became very difficult to handle.
Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem.
The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
Reflecting on their problem, the park administrator thought of Eddie Standen, a big redneck part-time intern, who was responsible for cleaning the animal's cages.
Eddie, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.
The park administrator thought they might have a solution.
Eddie was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?
Eddie showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.
The following day, Eddie announced that he would accept their offer, but only under the following four conditions:
1. "First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her on the lips."
The park administrator quickly agreed to this condition.
2. "Second," Eddie said, "you must never tell anyone about this."
The park administrator again readily agreed to this condition.
3. "Third," Eddie said, "I want all the offspring to be raised Southern Baptist."
Once again the administrator agreed.
4. And last of all Eddie stated: "You've got to give me another week to come up with the $500.00.
Originally Posted by Palmateer,Oct 27 2005, 11:43 AM
Redneck Story
A small Mississippi Wild Animal Park acquired a very rare species of gorilla.
Within a few weeks, the gorilla, who was a female, became very difficult to handle.
Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem.
The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
Reflecting on their problem, the park administrator thought of Eddie Standen, a big redneck part-time intern, who was responsible for cleaning the animal's cages.
Eddie, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.
The park administrator thought they might have a solution.
Eddie was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?
Eddie showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.
The following day, Eddie announced that he would accept their offer, but only under the following four conditions:
1. "First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her on the lips."
The park administrator quickly agreed to this condition.
2. "Second," Eddie said, "you must never tell anyone about this."
The park administrator again readily agreed to this condition.
3. "Third," Eddie said, "I want all the offspring to be raised Southern Baptist."
Once again the administrator agreed.
4. And last of all Eddie stated: "You've got to give me another week to come up with the $500.00.
That's too funny, Palmateer!
Do you know what the first thing a redneck girl says after having sex?
MARTINEZ, California --- An arrest was made today in the tragic death of the wife of famed attorney, Daniel Horowitz. A sixteen-year-old boy was arrested, and it was disclosed that the boy used crown molding to beat Horowitz's wife to death. Anti-gun groups and Democrat politicians immediately pointed to the extreme dangers of crown molding and called upon President Bush to ban all crown molding.
"This clearly shows that the President has been asleep at the wheel by allowing crown molding to proliferate around the country and cause countless tragic deaths," said Hillary Clinton. "No state currently requires background checks or has an age limitation for the purchase of crown molding. There is no valid reason why anyone would have a need to own crown molding. Other countries don't use crown molding. We're barbaric and backwards here in America when it comes to crown molding."
The NCMA (National Crown Molding Association) immediately issued a one-sentence press release: "Crown molding doesn't kill people, socialized medicine does." The NCMA plans to file a lawsuit in federal court should the government attempt to curtail the rights of law-abiding crown molding owners.
First-year students at the University of Michigan Medical School were
>receiving their first anatomy class involving a real dead human body.
>
>They all gathered around the surgery table where the body lay under a
>white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In
>medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a
doctor:
>The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the
human
>body. For example..."
>The Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of
the
>corpse, withdrew it, and stuck it in his mouth.
>"Now, all of you, go ahead and do the same thing," he told his
students.
>
>Needless to say, the students hesitated, recoiling in disgust for
>several minutes. But eventually they took turns sticking a finger in
the
>butt of the dead body and sucking on it.
>
>When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The
>second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle
>finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."
An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, and occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads, and have a pint of Guinness. After a while, he finds himself in a very high-class area... big, stately residences... no pubs, no shops, no restaurants, and worst of all... NO PUBLIC TOILETS.
He really, really has to go, after all those pints of Guinness. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem. As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London Bobbie, who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."
"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really, really have to go, and I just can't find a public toilet."
"Ah, yes," said the Bobbie, "Just follow me". He leads him to a back "delivery alley", then along a wall to a gate, which he opens.
"In there," points the Bobbie. "Whiz away Sir, anywhere you want."
The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom. Since he has the cop's blessing, he unburdens himself and is greatly relieved.
As he goes back through the gate, he says to the Bobbie "That was really decent of you... is that what you call "British Hospitality?"
"No sir", replied the Bobbie, "that is what we call the French Embassy.
A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some
cyanide. The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need Cyanide?"
The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The
pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord, have mercy -- I can't
give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll
lose my license, they'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things
will happen!
Absolutely not, you can NOT have any Cyanide? The lady
reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed
with the pharmacist's wife. Oh, you didn't tell me you had a prescription."
10-20-2005 | 04:31 PM
