Have you ever tried blindfolded archery?


No? You don't know what you're missing.

 

The boy stood on the burning deck
His feet full of blisters.
The fire leaped up
And burnt his pants.
Now he wears his sisters.

 

Dad joke warning!

What rock group has 4 men who can't sing?


 

Dad joke #2.
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?


 

 

What's the difference between a cocktail lounge and an elephant fart:

One is a barroom, the other is a BAROOOOM!

 

What do you call an elephant who moonlights as a prostitute?
A two-ton pickup that lays for peanuts.

 

A duck walks into a drug store. "Gimme some Chapstick."


 

A burglar breaks into a house in the dead of night while the family is away on vacation. He is fumbling around trying to find valuables with a small, weak flashlight so as not to alert any neighbors.
He hears someone say "Jesus is watching you." He turns around quickly. "Who's there?" There's no answer.
He continues on, thinking maybe his mind is playing tricks on him.
He hears it again. "Jesus is watching you." The guy looks around again, and spots a small parrot in a cage.
He approaches the cage, and says to the parrot "oh, it's just a parrot. Guess your owners taught you to say that."
The parrot says "actually, I'm fluent in English." The burglar is taken aback.
"Well that's cool, I guess. Say, what's your name Mr. parrot?" "Moses," says the bird.
The guy chuckles. "What kind of people name a parrot Moses?"
The parrot replies, "The same kind of people who name their rottweiler Jesus."

 

An 80 year old woman went on a date with an 87 year old man.
She came home frustrated and her daughter said, "Mom, what's wrong?"
She said, "I had to slap him three times."
The daughter said, "You mean he tried to get fresh with you?"
She said, “No. I had to keep slapping him to keep him awake.”