Nurture v Nature again, huh? My take is that nature is 90% and nurture is 10%. The difference that results from different parenting styles practiced by concerned and caring parents is probably 1 or 2 percent. But it can be like improving your car's performance. That last one or two percent can be the most difficult to acheive, and the most rewarding. Or it can go too far and make a mess out of what was good to start with.

 

Bill,

You may very will be right, it may just be that a very small, but very important part of what a child becomes is due to what you call "nurture". And it may very well be that that the results are oftentime unpredictable. Its hard to know, or to be exacting when there are so many different inputs and results to consider.

A lot of this argument reminds me of the discussions that I've read in Car Talk. People make judgements on a car based on an article or set of statistics that they've read. Oftentimes these people have never owned the car, driven the car or even sat in the car. The opinion is based on a cold, clinical analysis which in fact is based on someone else's accumulation of data and conclusion. Not to suggest that the data isn't valuable, but it is only one piece of a puzzle that has a great number of pieces and many, many ways to arrive at a conclusion.

 

Thanks for the much needed chuckle this morning.

 

I know thats a generalization but it is Totally False. I think you would be shocked at the number of families that do not.

 

I do what I can...

 

Though parents giving of themselves - especially their time - does not guarantee success, I do believe it is a vital element of a successful parenting strategy.

 

I don't try to hyper-control the kids. I try to give them the latitude to explore who they are (haircuts, clothes, music, etc.), but try to build into them some expectation that they have to work for what they get in life and treat people with respect.

Add to that my biggest challenge...and something that this thread is about...understanding the difference between insults and kidding...as well as how to communicate in an appropriate manner.

 

absolutely right.

And the lack of it is almost a guarantee of failure.

 

I am reminded of the longest friend that I have in the world. He grew up around the corner from me in Queens, NYC. When we first started playing together we were not old enough to be allowed to cross the street. So we would sit on the curb and because we were so young we could not yet throw a ball all the way across the street, we would roll a ball back and forth to each other.

His Father was VERY strict with him, and my friend rebelled. It reminds me of the analogy that raising a child is like holding onto a bar of soap in the shower (some of you have seen this post before). If one tries to hold on and squeezes too tight the bar will slip from your hands. On the other hand, if one does not try to hold on at all, one will drop the soap and will lose it as well.

As I am NOT a parent (by choice) I am not qualified to give advice here, only add my observations. This is my .02