Of course they have some influence. The interesting question is how much difference one set of good parents has compared to another set of good parents. And the answer I have come to agree with is "not very much, assuming the kid is normal and the parents are normal".

I recommend you read "The Nurture Assumption" for a very interesting take on the subject. It is precisely in the areas like "core values" that I am convinced parental contributions are way overestimated.

 

Have you guys ever raised any kids to adulthood? Particularly old adulthood? The core values instilled at a very early age lead, guide and have a tremendous influence on them them for the rest of the their lives, no matter how many times they stumble, no matter how they mess up, no matter how many "not too bright" decisions they make, they still have that core sense of what's right, wrong and proper and know they should conduct themselves accordingly. And to see them instilling that their kids, is further comfirmation for me. The greatest thing my kids ever said to me was "thank you for raising us like you did" when they look at other kids whose parents weren't so strict or who didn't set boundaries, who didn't or couldn't show them what unconditional love was all about. After they picked me up off the floor, I said "you're quite welcome, now pass it on."

 

Yes Dave, what Peter DeLorenzo wrote about his mother "Jo" reminded me (and evoked plenty of great memories) of my own upbringing

This is precicely why I've found the likes of 'comedians' in the vein of Al Franken so unappealing.

Brian

 

With granny. I HAVE to believe much of what my parents instilled in me was passed on to my own child and now my grandchildren. Working for what you want, knowing right from wrong, treating others with some respect. The basics that are so important that many kids do seem to lack today.

When I hear my five year old grandaughter telling people who use the words "Stupid and Shut up" that those are not nice words, I hear my father telling me the same thing.

 

Although we're talking about passing along the good things, I must admit that I've seen the bad passed on as well.

 

My youngest just turned 27. And I totally agree G-Rod. Isn't is wonderful that we are so great.

 

No, I don't have any kids. Which, I will point out, makes me an unbiased observer. I doubt I will convince you and I'm not sure I care to try. But what I'm talking about is backed by a lot of evidence and seems pretty convincing to me.

The basic gist of the idea is that almost all of what is not genetically determined in behavior comes from interaction with the peers of the children rather than the parents.

That's not to say that abusive parents can't damage their kids or something like that.

 

Remember how much smarter your parents got to be when you turned 35? Our kids just went through that stage a few years ago.

 

I'm in the process of raising a 6, 10 & 12 year old...all boys. I've been a part of their lives for the last 2 years now and I might be deluding myself, but I can see the impact my brand of parenting has brought to their lives...both good AND bad...

 

That must mean my parents are going to get a LOT smarter in the next few months!