Lainey

Val, I hear where you are coming from. Service in many places totally sux. I've had people push my buttons way too often. I should give them a polite "bless your heart" ...........but I don't. A wise woman once told me if someone pushes your buttons, lose the buttons. That is often easier said than done. Sometimes it's easier to throw out the whole shirt, buttons and all. I get upset, and may even scream and shout. After the "conversation" I feel I should as I hate that I let them get to me. This was happening too often.

Of late I'm trying to not let people get to me so much. The BP doesn't need to reach that boiling point quite so often. Life is too short and I too feel like time is slipping away. I'll deal as best I can with the poor customer service and other issues, and try not to bite anyone's head off. BS slingers and people spewing negative vibes are another issue that get me. As much as possible, I stay away from them, but if I have to be in their company, I'm now more apt to inform them that I don't need their negativity.

Unlike you, I was fortunate to have some support from family after the shoulder surgeries. Still, I hated the lack of independence, being unable to contribute much around the house and having to ask people to do things for me. Any loss of independence is difficult. I'm thankful mine was short lived and so happy that you are doing so much better with your back issue.

One sided relationships, be they friend or family are pretty useless, they are too much work. I see no issue cutting those strings. I've got better things to do with my time.

speedjunky01

Val I hope we meet one day too sounds like we have much to talk about and a lot in common.

My mother has the same issue with her back and I really do u derstand how it be a big hinderance when you want to do something, have done it with ease in the past, but know if you push yourself you will be on the couch the fallowing day.

I always try an help her but her personality is that even if she were drowning she doesn't ask for help haha.

Wish you the best and glad you don't take BS from people. I totally agree with what others have said, when you're in a friendship or family it doesn't have to be equal amounts of effort on both ends. However something needs to be reciprocated at some point, if one person puts time and effort into the relationship and when the other side is needed, they CHOOSE to ignore it's not right at all.

fltsfshr

Yes We all suffer from the same syndrome. Age.

We see flock recognition, or our place in your social culture changing. Repetitive awareness comes forward, and with it, intolerance for perceived stupidity in others. That can be exacerbated by illness or injury.

There's also the realization of your own end game. Your resolution of life. Risk taking and risk venture come to the fore and you're more likely to take a chance on something or express yourself directly.

Prior to the last century, most seniors spent their senior years rocking on the front porch with no or little outside stimulus. That's not true anymore. We have stimulation from everywhere.


fltsfshr

Lovetodrive2000

Must be the years creeping up on you!

Same thing is happening to me.... where I used to have a little patience, there is very little now....

I think part of it is that our world is changing (for the better?).... people don't have the personal relationships they used to have... too much txt'g, emailing, etc, and not the one on one interactions.

But on the other foot, I am letting more things NOT bother me.... just not worth the effort to confront them or think about them.

If my family didn't come and help me when I was laid up (CIDP) (started 13 years ago - still trace today)..... broken foot (Feb 2011)... I would have been really pissed...

Scooterboy

Val, I understand completely. This weekend I flew to FL to visit my dying mother and to pay homage to my sister who has been taking care of her. We expected mom to pass this past weekend (she didn't) and I thought I had better get there. My brother on the other hand decided to fly to CA for a party for his son-in-law's mother! Sorry for the langauge but he is such an asshole!!

Kyras

This discussion makes me think of Jane Fonda and the new book she has out. She writes about how her attitude has changed as she gotten older. I haven't read the book but I saw her on Leno and looked at the book in Costco.

I am not feeling that change. My son, daughter and sister are there when I need them, at least by phone, since we are all spread out. I've found good people I can count on for various services and I use them repeatedly. As a single woman, my life is different than yours, Val. I need to force myself to get out and see the good in life and people to keep myself happy. I think my volunteer job works like a charm for that purpose.

S1997

Val, thanks for posting these reflections. I think I know some of what you are feeling, and share many of your sentiments. I have a wonderful supporting family, and local friends, -- and I do always count on my Vintage friends to share with. My last surgery has produced a degree of melancholy that I don't ever remember having before. Maybe it's partly the hangover from the anesthesia, though.
Still, I try to get the most I can out of every day. Life is still good.

valentine

Having had 3 procedures that required anesthesia along with several months of heavy doses of vicodin, etc. I hear you on the hangover. Mine lasted for about 6 months or so and I had a lot of problems associated with "coming down" and tapering off the meds which I hated. It seemed they didn't stop much of the pain, but just put me out long enough for the worst of the pain to pass. We have a long way to go before technology really is available to stop pain without having to have nerves burned out. I feel validated by the knowledge that so many of you express many of my feelings and that is a good thing. Don't get me wrong I am most appreciative of all the wonderful support I've been given by my +1 who dealt with running a household, the rigors of dealing with so much of our move, etc. without any help from me. He did a fantastic job and I have no idea what I would have done without him. I feel a great sense of loss when it comes to having to make the decision to stop trying to maintain some sort of meaningful relationship with my blood kin when the contact, etc. is only from my end. I'm trying to just get over it, move on and not be bitter. Now that my daughter lives nearby, she's a great source of joy to +1 and me and we're glad she's here. Life is good.

Zippy

I too understand that sometimes family and "friends" turn out to be a lot less than you expect. I've been through it with my brother and with my in-laws and even some "friends".
My advise is illegitimi non carborundum

Morris

Living with pain, even low level pain, can cause changes in mental areas and personality. Maybe that is part of the cause of symptoms you express. A 38 year friend of mine has been in chronic pain for a long time and now has really affected him to the point he has moved away from his wife of 30 years and accuses her of infidelity etc etc and I know it is all in his head.
I have also watched my Mother's personality change as she aged. I believe and have read that aging changes the brain as well. How many times have you heard elderly folks make comments that should embarrass themselves, and it comes right out of their mouths with no filtering whatsoever. My sweet Mother has made racial cracks to black people she knew that made everyone else want to crawl under the table.
(don't take this personally Val, I'm commenting in generalities).