valentine

He knows she lives in our little village, but he does not know the specific addy. Her legal adviser told her she could not withhold her address and because she is still under the military health insurance plan (they have not yet been separated a year), he can probably get that info. I just don't really know what advice to give her except to remind her of all the heartache he's caused her over the span of time she's known him. He has yet to spend a Christmas with her in the 3 years they've been in a relationship. He's always gone off with his family, etc. on cruises and the like. +1 has some choice advice to give her and I think she's coming down to have dinner with us this evening. I'm sure he'll share his words of wisdom. I'm just nauseated.

MsPerky

valentine

Ditto. I'm going to put my anger to work and clean my house from top to bottom. I'm thinking when I scrub the toilets I'll be imagining dunking someone's head into the bowl and that should work off a little of the anger. May as well make the best of it, right?

MsPerky

Yep...not much you can do. Control the things you can.

valentine

I went through the upstairs with unleashed fury. Dusted 3 rooms + the hallway, library area and then vacuumed and scrubbed the guest bathroom. Just finished scrubbing the master bath, stripped the beds, got the dirty ones in the laundry and the clean ones on the beds. Dusted the master br and the sunroom and decided to take a breather before vacuuming those rooms and starting on the lr and kitchen. I'm still angry so I guess I'd better get with the cleaning program.

Tachus

Val, I'm and and will be thinking about all of you this week. Do your best to smile and only offer advice when asked - that's tough when all you want to do is run in and protect.

valentine

Thank you so much, Tachus. You're exactly right and during my fit of cleaning, scrubbing and shining I couldn't help but think that it is HER life and HER marriage and I need to step back and just breathe. I am soooo weary of having to pick up the pieces of the lives of our children when they get in whatever trouble they get into! It is not only a financial burden but it really takes a toll on us as well. It slays me that she has given up two really good jobs to pick up and move from place to place for him and now that she's getting a really good start on moving on with her life and has a decent job here he comes again.

Lainey

Val, I hear you big time on this. Every now and again I think we all want to scream "It's not my problem", but as parents, we still want to help and make their lives easier if we can. It can be very hard to distance oneself when we think we can/should help.

My gripe today, people who rely totally on electronic communication. PLEASE pick up the phone and CALL me if there is an issue and I have not responded to your electronic communication. Maybe I didn't get your email, or maybe it's in the trash because you didn't put anything in the subject line that I recognized, so I junked it or perhaps the email went right to the junk folder due to filter settings.

Sometimes an email is the perfect way to communicate, other times an old fashioned phone call still works.

paS2K

sorry to read about this turn of events, Val, as we have shared our "kid" stories over the past month or two. i didn't know all of this background before, but hope that dtr has the guts to tell this guy to "shove off".

valentine

You are so kind, Pas2k. I so appreciate this and I appreciated our sharing of "kid" stories. I probably said wayyyyy more than I should have said, but I didn't say it all and don't feel I really need to. Just know that you've been a really good friend and our discussions were dear and much needed.