valentine

I've thought a lot about posting this and decided to go for it. +1 and I have discussed this topic repeatedly over the past few months. He's noticed, as have I that my attitude and outlook have changed somewhat dramatically over the past year or so. It was a year and a half ago that I suffered a severe back injury that disabled me at varying degrees over the period of almost a year. I still have low level intermittent constant pain and think perhaps it has brought about some this but I'm not fingerpointing to make an excuse for myself. I notice I have little to no patience for many of the things I would have just shrugged off in the past. I express myself more readily and if I disagree with something, I blurt out my disagreement rather than just grin and bear it. I just feel as if I no longer have room in my life for anyone who makes me feel edgy or bad about myself. I simply cannot tolerate being in the presence of people who make me feel uncomfortable at all. I still do my daily chores without much trouble and I still LOVE gardening and birdwatching, etc., but there are other more subtle ways that I've noticed my increasing anger at the things people and the state of governmental affairs (local, state and certainly federal level). It is almost as if I feel the clock ticking and that I need to do everything I've ever wanted to do without anything impeding me before its too late. Having been totally disabled and at the mercy of others to do even the most elementary things for me (like giving me baths, preparing my food etc.), I find that I'd rather not live than be forced to live unable to do things for myself. A couple of times before in my lifetime I've had to depend on others (I suffered temporary blindness when I was in my 20s and in my 40s had surgery that caused a temporary disability). Neither of those times brought about this "personality change". I like my independence and despise a lack of it. I then wonder if it is my increasing maturity that is bringing about this change of attitude and wonder if any of you have or are experiencing a lack of tolerance or an attitude change as you grow in years. The floor is open for discussion.

PS. Another radical change is that I've decided to let my hair go back to whatever its natural color is... I have no idea what that may be since I've colored it for more than 40 years. Talk about change . . . sheez!

valentine

In the interest of clarity: I am very disappointed and hurt that when I sustained my back injury that NO ONE in my family gave me the time of day, came by to wish me well or offered any form of support whatsoever. I have two sisters, and a mother who lived within 10 minutes of my house . . . nada. +1 was the ONLY one who did anything for me along with a very kind neighbor who came by, fixed food for us, etc. No friends did squat . . . You guys were very supportive and kind, but that's it. None of them have come to visit since I moved nor do they call or write or email. I no longer have time for them. I can recall a zillion times over the years that they needed financial help or otherwise and I came forward and helped. Where is the fairness here? I think about these things from time to time and it just p-os me.
Some other things that make my blood absolutely boil: Poor customer service everywhere and a lack of caring exhibited by almost ANYONE about poor quality in workmanship. This spills over into clothing, auto repair, home repair, etc. I find myself becoming angry and I speak up and say what I think to workmen, salesclerks, store management, etc. I just cannot stand it! Have you noticed this lack of care about consumers?
I get angry at banks for sneaky charges, government officials for only being interested in their own fat salaries and not caring at all about the constituency. I get angry about neighbors who mow their lawns (or have a lawn service) at 7 am and disturb my peace and quiet time. I get angry that people let their dogs bark all hours of the night and disturb my sleep. The list goes on and on. OTOH, I'm generally a very nice person

Tadashi

Wow, I could have written most of this I was never totally disabled but for me to sell my S2000, I was obviously in a great deal of pain.

The whole 3 months I was in agony doing anything except laying flat, I still had to do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, and other daily chores that make a house run. Not to mention trying to earn a living.

I got no help and when I inadvertently let slip a groan of pain sitting down or standing, I did not get any sympathy, more often the opposite.

I find myself short of patience as well. Yesterday I pulled in to get gas, there was music blasting from some a-holes car, so I got back in my car and drove away. I took a childish moment to offer the man a

Angry does not even cover it some days. In general I don't blame the pain so much as the person I live with who is mean and angry most of the time.

raymo19

Given the circumstances I think your behavior is normal and rational. Of course that could be because I feel the same way about some of the things you mentioned.

valentine

Have I told you lately that I love you? I've decided the old adage about birds of a feather rings truer and truer every day. And, Ellen, I know you were going through horrendous pain and disappointment in your life at the same time I had the big fat pain probs. I keep my cane around in case I need it again and as a reminder of how far I've come since my injury. Perhaps another reason is to beat the heck out of anyone who REALLY makes me angry!
I failed to mention that Angela and MsP both came down here to visit me (at great expense to themselves I might add) which TOTALLY made me feel soooo much better. Bear in mind these are my "internet" friends, not blood relatives, not siblings . . . but perhaps they are more than that. I felt quite blessed, humbled and appreciative at the care and support they and many of you have given me over these many years of s2ki membership. I've been soundly criticized by family for my "virtual" friendships . . . but who is "virtual"? Is it the folks who bought plane tickets to fly great distances to visit . . . or is the folks who are invisible unless they want something from me?

speedjunky01

20 years later it still applies

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ao3Fu...e_gdata_player

I know how you feel something just breaks in your mind, a barrier or limit you put on your self so that you appear nice to the world and so you fit in. But after a while you just become overloaded with people's BS and the barrier doesn't get broken down it gets demolished and everything you always wanted to say spills out with little concern for people's reaction.

MsPerky

Okaaaayyyy...not sure about the hair thing, though - . You and I have had many discussions about these very subjects, and life really is too short (now) to put up with all the b-llsh-t. Something that happened recently reinforced this for me. None of the western family members, except for my bro's family, are coming to my dad's burial at Arlington Cemetery next week. My mother and dad went out west to be with my dad's sister for weeks when she was dying. So their lack of consideration, for my mother's sake, is a major disappointment. If money were an object for many of these people, I'd understand perhaps. But it isn't.

DrCloud

Of course, as we become older, wiser, and less willing to put up with all the little indignities that we used to ignore, our circulatory systems also become less compliant. This means it's important, in the process of not tolerating the indignities, to avoid letting them get your blood pressure up too much.

I suspect that none of this is a new phenomenon, generationally speaking, and this is why lots of old folks seemed grumpy to me when I was little.

What I think we're all learning is why that happens -- and how that attitude is earned over a lifetime. ^$%#$ kids! HPH

dean

Val, It appears that you may be catching up with me - only with better manners.

valentine

I'm sooooo relieved that many of you seem to understand my feelings. I am just so indignant at many of my long-time friends and my family members that sometimes I just plain get enraged!! There seems to have developed an attitude of not caring about what is happening in the lives of others and being solely concerned with oneself (speaking of my family and several of my friends). I have to say that my +1 is totally the most long-suffering, kind and compassionate person I've ever met. He has commented though that he's noticed my tolerance levels have declined immensely since my injury and he attributes much of that to the never-ceasing (although low-level) pain. I'm not sure and once again, I'm not looking for an excuse to be a jerk. I'm in agreement and awe of speedjunky01's post (hope we meet someday and I promise to be nice). I guess I am mad as hell and I'm not taking it anymore. I'm trying to get past the "its your family" feeling and move on to choosing my family and letting that old blood thing die. Oh, and Dean, my dear, I'm not sure if if my current feelings continue that I'll exhibit good manners . . . I'm almost past that already. I'm so sorry your family disappoints, MsP. It just seems to be way just about everyone's family behaves anymore. I just do not understand it.