Anyone else out there who longs for the days when assembly instructions were in written form instead of some nonsensical diagram?

As part of our never ending home improvement project, the better half convinced me yesterday to replace a perfectly functional wooden chopping block in the kitchen with a slightly larger, solid oak prep table/island with a really nice marble counter top, a couple of shelves, and an underslung wine rack.

While we were going through the checkout process, the salesman mentioned we could get the piece either assembled or in the box. I opted for the in the box option since while the drive home wasn't particularly long, I thought there would be less chance of damage if it was still in the packaged state. This was of course immediately followed by a from Barbara (hangover from a 2 day Weber grill assembly; another story, a future thread).

When we got home, I unloaded the box from the truck, backed the S out of the garage to make room, opened the box and removed the contents. The assembly instructions were on a single 8 1/2 by 11 sheet of paper, half of which was the parts list. It was at this point my wife suddenly remembered there were some items she needed from the grocery store and departed.

The rest of the instructions consisted of 4 diagrams, one of which was the assembled piece. Step 1 showed the counter top right side up along with the 2 shelves, 1 leg, and the locations of the angle brackets and bolts. The other 2 were devoted to attaching the wine rack. None of this was anywhere near scale.

Since I had no practical way to suspend the top from the ceiling, I placed the top upside down on the packing foam, checked the parts list, and attached 3 of the legs loosely to the top. I then placed the middle shelf in the slots in the legs, then the bottom shelf and bolted the bottom shelf on loosely with the angle brackets and bolts. I then attached the remaining leg and tightened all the bolts.

The last step was turn the piece right side up and attach the wine rack with 4 bolts in the predrilled holes.

Now was that so hard to describe?

I would have scanned the sheet and included it but since it was so small already, I didn't want to be the cause of an outbreak of eyestrain in Vintage. Assuming anyone reads this, of course.

Just caught the typo - sheesh, maybe there's more to this instruction writing than I thought.

 

Great story. I got a good chucke out of it because we go through the same ourselves. I agree, I long for written instuctions (that are readable and understandable).

 

This is another instance where for some reason society as a whole has to deal with those folks who never learned to read. I hate those stupid road signs that are just pictures. It would please me to see a signs that just say something instead of depict something. I realize that there are those who can drive well but cannot read well, so maybe I'm just being picky.

 

I remember when "some assembly required" was a rare sight on a purchased item. Ahh the good old days.

 

The universal signs were designed for folks who don't speak the language of the country where the signs are, not for the illiterate. (The illiterate are generally able to learn the major road signs by shape and color.) Europe has them as well, which is a good thing for me. I've never understood why those foreigners insist on having a different word for everything, and I'm not about to oblige them by learning all their weird words.

 

Have problems with reading assembly instruction do you? Ha. Ha. Our forefathers sribed at the post graduate level. Abe Lincoln scribed at the college level. By Clinton's first term, the State of the Union speech vocabulary targeted 9th grade level education. Newspapers target an 8th grade education. The previous according to so called language experts. Many of you would probably agree GW is aiming lower than that - perhaps by necessity? Ha. Ha. There is another explanation. The countries that manufacture these items use locals - rather than English literate persons - to generate these instructions.

 

I was always the assembler in our house, except for two times when my dad and younger brother insisted on doing it.

1st time was when we bought a stereo that came with a cabinet. They refused any help, and were so proud of themselves until it came time to put the wheels on, and they realized they'd built it upside down.

2nd time was when my dad decided to retile the front porch, which was only a small 3' by 3' area at most. The tiles came glued to sheets of paper, which removed after you laid the tile into the grout and let it set a while. When they peeled the paper off, the first thing I noticed was that they hadn't lined up the pattern at all, because they couldn't see it under the paper.

Any time my dad had a home improvement idea, my mom made sure I got there first

 

I remember a few times starting to assemble something only to find out a screw or some other part like that was missing.