JonasM

~ A Good Pun is Its Own Reword
~ Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.
~ A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
~ A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
~ My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.
~ Dijon vu: The same mustard as before.
~ I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
~ A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
~ Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
~ Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
~ Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
~ Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
~ Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
~ Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
~ A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
~ Without geometry, life is pointless.
~ When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
~ Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
~ When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
~ A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
~ What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
~ In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
~ A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
~ Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
~ When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
~ The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
~ A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
~ A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
~ A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
~ Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
~ When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
~ Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
~ Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
~ Acupuncture is a jab well done
~ A man standing on toilet is high on pot (~one of those Confucious-isms )



JonasM

Matt_in_VA

Bummer! Sorry to learn that.

Matt_in_VA

Some of these qualify as 2/3's of a PUN ...............

Get it?

RENDERMAN

Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.

ralper

We took some pictures of the native girls. They weren't developed. We're going back in a few months to see if they've grown.

(I love the Marx brothers too)

RENDERMAN

I was on an elevator the other day, and the operator kept calling me 'son.' I said, 'Why do you call me 'son'? You're not my father.' He said, 'I brought you up, didn't I?'

Honda 367

^That is a good one.

RENDERMAN

I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and on the table was a checkered tablecloth. It took him 2 hours to pass me the salt.

RENDERMAN

A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, "You can come in, but don't start anything!"

Jumpy Guy

Now that's funny!!