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Patty - What a tough spot for you to be in. Was your Dad on his own for those 9 days before you knew? Who is staying with him now? I guess if he's capable of staying on his own for that period of time, he's also pretty cognizant of what is happening - what are his feelings on Mary leaving him? I wonder if the extended living facility would allow him to come in for a couple of hours a few evenings a week and "play and eat" with some of their residents (in the guise of giving him a social life). Maybe that way he could slowly be worked into the idea of moving to such a facility. I dunno - it's tough. My poor grandfather insisted on living by himself after my grandmother died (this was about 20 years ago). He'd never taken care of anything by himself and that lasted for about 2 months before my uncle and aunt fixed a basement apartment for him to move into....I don't think he was very happy about it at first, but he adjusted.
Yeah, Patty...a mixed blessing, definitely. How old is this woman? Usually, women don't have the luxury of just walking out. At least you can focus on your dad without that distraction, assuming she doesn't create trouble, of course.
My mother in law has Alzheimer's. When my father in law was alive he was overwhelmed with caring for her and taking care of the house. He would accept no help, nor take any suggestions.
With his wife gone, you may find your father is not "with it" as much as you thought. Any change in the routine can cause a problem. People with Alzheimer's can be good actors. When my father in law passed away we all realized my mother in law was worse than we thought. She now has 24 hour care.
Just got my other eye done for Crystalens. Great to see like a teen again. Funny conversation with the Dr. during the procedure. He was going on about getting engaged and how he will have to give up all his "steady eddies" in his stable. Knowing that he owns two Stutz autos I asked him if he was going to trade them in on a mini-van. In retrospect not a smart question to ask when laying on the table.
Originally Posted by rjosey8385,Mar 16 2005, 04:35 AM
Patty - What a tough spot for you to be in. Was your Dad on his own for those 9 days before you knew? Who is staying with him now?
My dad was all alone for those 9 days, and still is. People keep saying, "He can't be all alone!" but I'm not sure that's true. He seems to be OK with it. He still showers and eats and spends lots of time doing simple crossword puzzles. He will get worse but for now I think he's OK. He doesn't really know why she left. I think she just got tired of his swearing and anger at himself. I know I would if I had to live with him. My sister will be in from Kauai today and we'll go to his "brain Dr." with him on Friday.
I think he's actually happier now without her. He is getting lonely though and wants a girlfriend.
From our experience your father cannot be left alone for extended periods. Besides going through this experience ourselves we've had contact with many others. Everyone has said that the person with Alzheimers & Dementia can hide things at times and if someone else was with them they also hid the extent of things.
rjosey8385 comments are excellent & would recommend considering.
At the very least we think someone should come in once or twice daily to check on things. Even if you have to disguise it as someone cooking & cleaning for him.
Remember there is only one direction to go from this (Alzheimers) and it is never in a positive direction. The longer you wait the harder it is to introduce new things & he'll never want to leave his home. Myra says it feels as though she has aged 10 years in the last two, mainly from dealing with her dad's dementia. Her mother had also been hiding how bad things had gotten, even while living in the same house with us.
As we've said before in a PM - feel free to call us anytime.
We are getting an idea of how bad or good my dad is. He's not too bad off yet but we know it's going to get worse. We've just been amazed at the $$ his wife yanked out of his joint accounts and put in her own name, besides just basically abandoning him without letting us know. What a low life bottom feeder she is.
On the lighter side... good movie rentals...
I think MsPerky and Uppity, was it?, recommended Danny Deckchair? We liked it too. English movie that gets better as you get into it. No violence.
We also like Around the Bend and Carolina. Around the Bend is about 4 generations of males in a family. Carolina is about a couple of generations of females. Both were fun to watch and not hard to follow, just what we have needed lately. Carolina has Shirley McLaine and a new female star. Around the Bend has a hottie male, Matthew McConenehy(?) and Christopher Walken.
My dad is going to Kauai with my sister on Wednesday, for a while. She'll see how it works out. She and her husband built a really nice house there in Poipu. I checked out Assisted Living Homes and found one I like. We went there last Friday and had lunch and let my dad check it out. He thought he wasn't old enough to be there. He asked four times, what was the average age of people in there. Anyway, I am going to put him on the waiting list. He isn't ready to go in yet but who knows when that will be?
^My dad and my 16 year-old son, Kyle.
^I told my dad that if I took his picture, he could see it right away.
03-16-2005, 03:35 AM
