Online encounters of the FAT kind
06-02-2002, 12:44 PM
#1
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This is a story from when I was a little younger, but thought I'd share it with you all.
Me and my friends were online and chatting to some girls using AOL. (ah, the teenage years) We were going to go cruise in my friend Paul's Jeep. I was without the S2000 at this age. We were trying to sign off, and this is the conversation.
Girls: We want to meet you on Hwy 100.
Us: ok, do you have pics of any of you?
Girls: No, but we are all hot. (this should have been the first warning)
Us: Well what do you look like?
Girls: One of us is 5'4", and the other 2 are 5'3". Blonde hair, good looking. Guys hit on us all that time. (the warning are really kinda screaming DANGER at this point)
Us: How much do you weigh? (the tell-all question)
Girls: Average.
Us: So fat.
Girls: No AVERAGE.
Us: Right... FAT
Girls: no, we aren't fat. whenever we go places guys always try to pick us up. (you will realize how impossible that statement really is later... PICKING THEM UP that is..)
Us: Well how much do you weigh?
Girls: We don't know offhand. (ok, time to change my screen name)
Us: fine we'll meet you.
Girls: Ok, we'll meet you at XXX place. We will be in a purple neon. (again, this is a warning sign, because MY experience, only fat chicks and b*tches drive neons... however, we are young and stupid and ignorning the warnings)
So we drive on down to hwy 100. We find the neon... but the windows are tinted dark as hell so you can't see in. Another sign that should have told us this was a trap.
We pull into a lot and park. My friend Paul just leaves the jeep running. He says "we'll just wait here and let them come out to us". As the door opens, the girls getting out of the car closely paralleled that of circus clowns jammed into a tiny VW bug. As the passenger got out, the car shifted, as if to scream "thank God my suspension can rest now". I swear to God, not one of these girls weighed less than 250. As they waddled over to the jeep, my friend Paul goes "holy crap, I'm just gonna go". We were like "no that's too mean, we'll just talk a minute then leave".
They come over to the right side of the jeep. We are pretending to talk to them. I am in the back with my friend Keith, and Paul is up front driving, with Steve in the passenger seat. After a couple minutes, I say to Paul "hey, what time did brian want us at his house for the party? <wink wink>". Paul, "oh, that is a good idea, I will call him <wink wink>"
As paul pretends to call Brian, and pretends to start having a conversation, we go back to talking to shamu and friends. At a moment of silence... at a moment that couldn't be timed worse (or better??), while paul is "talking" on his phone.... It rings.
Not good.
Paul pulls the phone away from his ear mid sentence. He looks at the phone. Then he looks at the girls (obviously onto our scam now) and goes " AWWW HELLLL NO!". Dude drops the phone on his lap and slams the jeep into gear and lights the tires up out of the parking lot. The girls tried to shoehorn eachother back into the neon to follow. But if a stock neon is slow as hell and underpowered, a neon with an extra 3000 lbs will fare much worse. Oh hell, I'm surprised the damn thing could even move. Needless to say they never caught back up, and we made a rule to always get a picture and meet in well lit places for future online encounters.
Note: I have nothing against fat people. However, they lied to us about their identity, and in my rulebook, that means they are fair game.
Me and my friends were online and chatting to some girls using AOL. (ah, the teenage years) We were going to go cruise in my friend Paul's Jeep. I was without the S2000 at this age. We were trying to sign off, and this is the conversation.
Girls: We want to meet you on Hwy 100.
Us: ok, do you have pics of any of you?
Girls: No, but we are all hot. (this should have been the first warning)
Us: Well what do you look like?
Girls: One of us is 5'4", and the other 2 are 5'3". Blonde hair, good looking. Guys hit on us all that time. (the warning are really kinda screaming DANGER at this point)
Us: How much do you weigh? (the tell-all question)
Girls: Average.
Us: So fat.
Girls: No AVERAGE.
Us: Right... FAT
Girls: no, we aren't fat. whenever we go places guys always try to pick us up. (you will realize how impossible that statement really is later... PICKING THEM UP that is..)
Us: Well how much do you weigh?
Girls: We don't know offhand. (ok, time to change my screen name)
Us: fine we'll meet you.
Girls: Ok, we'll meet you at XXX place. We will be in a purple neon. (again, this is a warning sign, because MY experience, only fat chicks and b*tches drive neons... however, we are young and stupid and ignorning the warnings)
So we drive on down to hwy 100. We find the neon... but the windows are tinted dark as hell so you can't see in. Another sign that should have told us this was a trap.
We pull into a lot and park. My friend Paul just leaves the jeep running. He says "we'll just wait here and let them come out to us". As the door opens, the girls getting out of the car closely paralleled that of circus clowns jammed into a tiny VW bug. As the passenger got out, the car shifted, as if to scream "thank God my suspension can rest now". I swear to God, not one of these girls weighed less than 250. As they waddled over to the jeep, my friend Paul goes "holy crap, I'm just gonna go". We were like "no that's too mean, we'll just talk a minute then leave".
They come over to the right side of the jeep. We are pretending to talk to them. I am in the back with my friend Keith, and Paul is up front driving, with Steve in the passenger seat. After a couple minutes, I say to Paul "hey, what time did brian want us at his house for the party? <wink wink>". Paul, "oh, that is a good idea, I will call him <wink wink>"
As paul pretends to call Brian, and pretends to start having a conversation, we go back to talking to shamu and friends. At a moment of silence... at a moment that couldn't be timed worse (or better??), while paul is "talking" on his phone.... It rings.
Not good.Paul pulls the phone away from his ear mid sentence. He looks at the phone. Then he looks at the girls (obviously onto our scam now) and goes " AWWW HELLLL NO!". Dude drops the phone on his lap and slams the jeep into gear and lights the tires up out of the parking lot. The girls tried to shoehorn eachother back into the neon to follow. But if a stock neon is slow as hell and underpowered, a neon with an extra 3000 lbs will fare much worse. Oh hell, I'm surprised the damn thing could even move. Needless to say they never caught back up, and we made a rule to always get a picture and meet in well lit places for future online encounters.
Note: I have nothing against fat people. However, they lied to us about their identity, and in my rulebook, that means they are fair game.
06-02-2002, 01:02 PM
#2
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ROFLMAO
One day I will tell the story of Ser (Target325) and I being stalked by some fat chicks in a prelude.....I still have nightmares to this day when I see one
One day I will tell the story of Ser (Target325) and I being stalked by some fat chicks in a prelude.....I still have nightmares to this day when I see one
06-02-2002, 03:10 PM
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note: when i girl proclaims hotness.. not only is that a warning sign.
but if it comes out 'i'm hawttttt' its not an accent but the vibration of the lower lip upon impact w/ the upper lip causing the tremendous echo effect from the movement of her jowels.
but if it comes out 'i'm hawttttt' its not an accent but the vibration of the lower lip upon impact w/ the upper lip causing the tremendous echo effect from the movement of her jowels.
06-03-2002, 02:58 PM
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your too nice, you sat there and talked to them ?
If me and my friends rolled up and fat chicks got out, we would have bounced out really fast.... if i want to see a blimp i will go to a sporting event.
If me and my friends rolled up and fat chicks got out, we would have bounced out really fast.... if i want to see a blimp i will go to a sporting event.
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