switchcars

let's make fun of my Maine heritage...yay:

you know you're a redneck if you go to family reunions to pick up chics.

if you can't feed your family dinner because you just HAD to get the back window tinted with a confederate flag.

you get all excited because you picked up some "wicked sweet" rims at NAPA auto......for your house.

if you consider spinner hubcaps to be for "them rich folk"

The GAP is the space between your wife's teeth that she spits her chew through.

efthimios

switchcars

>> An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a
>> male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter, "Want coffee."
>>
>> The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a
>> tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp,
>> turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the
>> animal to splatter every where, then just walks out.
>>
>> The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand
>> pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the
>> counter and says to the waiter, "Want coffee."
>>
>> The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess
>> from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"
>>
>> (hang on, this is really good......)
>>
>> The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Training for upper management
>> position: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for
>> others to clean up, disappear for rest of day

Popeye

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two very large plastic bags behind her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement. Noticing this, a policeman stops her. "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."

"Damn!" says the little old lady."I'd better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!" "Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?" "Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my backyard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!" "So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say: $20 or off it comes! I put all that money in this bag."

"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?" "Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay up."

StwoK

LAWYERS /Love the Cop`s

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriffs Deputy.
He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he
has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some
fun at the deputies expense ...
Deputy says, "License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What for?"
Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign ."
Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and
registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Deputy says, "The difference! is, you have to come to a complete stop,
that's the law. License and registration, please!"
Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow
down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the
ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket."
Deputy says, "Exit your vehicle, sir."
At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating
the ever-loving crap out of the lawyer and says:
"Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"

Honda_mann

Talented PUSS




A man is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs.

To his delight, he realizes she has no underwear. The blonde realizes he is staring and inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?"

"Yes, I

Honda_mann

One day Elephant and Camel get to talking. During the conversation Elephant says, "Camel, if you don

S2KinVA

Not really a joke, but a quote of the day,

"He who hesitates is probably the jerk in the Miata in front of you..."

Honda_mann

keep em rollin

StwoK

Subject: The achievements of the white man in America...

An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two U.S. government officials sent to interview him.

"Chief Two Eagles" asked one official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."

The Chief nodded in agreement.

The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

The Chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied: "When white man found the land, Indians were running it.

No taxes,

No debt,

Plenty buffalo,

Plenty beaver,

Women did all the work,

Medicine man free,

Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, All night having sex."

Then the chief leaned back and smiled ... "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."