Bullitt44

JOKE #1 (only jokes no one word or icon conversations MOCKY!)

Why you never question a drunk

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk,

A carton of eggs,

A quart of orange juice,

A head of romaine lettuce,

A 2 lb. can of coffee,

And a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a
drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of
the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the
drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was
intrigued >by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She
looked
at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about
her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what,
you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, " 'Cause you're ugly."

ROGUE3308

Bahahahaahahaah uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh huh?

Scott Evil

An old man was sitting on a bench in the mall when a young man with spiked hair came over and sat down beside him.
The boy's hair was yellow and green and orange and purple. He had black makeup around his eyes. The old man just stared at him.
The boy said, "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild in your life?"
The old man answered, "Well, yes. Actually I have. I once got drunk and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."

Bullitt44

Joke #3

A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers." He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.

The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.

"What are you going to do," the homeowner asks?

"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go.

The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van." He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.

"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."

Scott Evil

#4 (still picking on bears)
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.
"I

ROGUE3308

I had one about a Koala bear that ended with "eats bush and leaves...but I can't remember it.

SanMarinoCpe

here's a joke darrell strawberry got 4 votes for the hall of fame

ROGUE3308

Are you kidding me? Geez.
Pete Rose is shut out for Gambling ?
But you can snort half the planet up your nose, rape your wife, beat you kid, kick your dog over and over and over...and you get 4 votes?

LilJapnBoy

Is this it?

A Koala in the Big Apple

A koala bear from Australia decided to take a vacation to New York City to enjoy a different culture. After arriving in New York and getting settled in at his hotel, the koala bear decided to take a walk. After touring this adventurous city for a few hours he noticed several women on the side of the street strutting their stuff.

The koala bear approached one of them and asked, "What are you doing?"

The woman replied "I'm a prostitute. Are you looking for a good time?"

The koala bear immediately replied yes.

"Do you wanna have sex?" the prostitute asked.

"Well, sure. I mean, I did come here to live up the true New York experience," said the bear with a grin on his face.

The prostitute grabbed the bear's hand and directed him to her apartment where they had sex. Soon after, the koala bear got out of bed and proceeded to the door.

The prostitute yelled, "Where are you going?"

The bear told her that he was done and it was time for him to go. "I'm a prostitute. You have to pay me!"

The bear said with a disgusted tone, "Since when do I have to pay for sex?"

The prostitute replied, "Everyone I have sex with has to pay. It's in the dictionary, look it up."

The koala bear agreed to pull out a dictionary from one of her shelves to look up the word "prostitute." It said, "A woman who has sex in exchange for money."

The prostitute immediately started to chuckle and asked for her money. The koala bear then remarked, "Okay, to make it even, why don't you look up the word koala bear?"

The prostitute grabbed the dictionary and looked up "koala bear." The bear said, "Go ahead, read it aloud!"

The prostitute read the definition out loud. "An Australian animal that eats bush and leaves."

LilJapnBoy

Little Johnny's parents were trying to potty train him. When he went to the bathroom, though, he hit everything but the toilet. Mom would then have to go in and clean up after him.

After two weeks, she had had enough, and took Johnny to the doctor.

After the examination, the doctor said, "Well, his unit is too small. An old wives' tale says to give him two slices of toast each morning and his unit will grow. He will then be able to hold it and aim straight."

Next morning, Johnny jumped out of bed and ran down to the kitchen. On the table were 12 slices of toast. "Mom," Johnny yelled, "the doc said I only had to eat 2 slices!"

"I know," his mom said and smiled. "The other 10 are for your father."