Upstate Chat Thread Vol. XXIII
12-23-2017, 05:58 AM
#1061
Today, December 23rd at 3:30 p.m. is the official start of my holiday shopping season. It runs until 9:00.
I can't wait to get started! First, I enhance my spirit with healthy doses of rum laced egg nog during the early afternoon. Then it's off to the first of several stops to shop for a tree. By today, they will be picked over pretty well, and my choices will be clear. The only question is how expensive they are. So, I'll probably stop at 4 or 5 places (mostly fire departments and churches and charitable places raising money for food for the homeless) to see what's available. If I can get a tree for $5.00 or less, I'll be done. If not, I'll do a second loop around. My "friends" staffing the fire department tree lot are sure to close up at dark and head to the bar for a holiday spirit. Once they're gone and in their cups, I can probably pick up a tree for next to nothing.
It used to be more fun when the kids were little. I'd pack them into the car - mom has them all bundled up in snow suits with their arms sticking straight out and a side to side gait that induced a lot of falling down on snowy surfaces. We'd spend about an hour or so shopping for a tree on December 23rd - one of two goals in mind - either to get the cheapest tree we could find or to get the first one we see priced for less than $8.00. In the later case, much haggling ensued, since the kids were advised to complain about any shortcomings or deficiencies that they noticed in the tree before the deal was a struck. With luck, I could get the cost down to $2.00 - especially if I avoided the tree wrap and tie down and simply stuffed the thing into the trunk. Usually that meant lots of brown needles in the car until I finally traded it in! But seeing those brown needles just brought pleasant feelings throughout the year as I recalled the wonders of Christmas past.
Alas, the kids are all grown up and I'm on my own. On top of that, the cost of "fresh cut" trees is way up. Prices north of $75.00 are not unheard of. This puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on me! Since when does money grow on trees?
Yesterday, I came home to walk the dog, and I noticed that the neighbor had put up a tree with blue and red lights on his front porch. That had maybe been there for several weeks, but I hadn't noticed until I saw him putting fake presents under the tree (well I assumed they were fake, but maybe I better go check!). That gave me a great idea - well at least a back-up plan. I can bring my lawn furniture over and a bottle of schnapps and celebrate the holiday on his front porch! And if I can't find just the right tree during today's shopping spree, I'm still golden - plus I can avoid the entire tree decorating step!
As I type, the neighbor's tree plan appeals to me more and more. With some smooth talking and cajoling, I can probably overcome the wife's skepticism - assuming that it stops raining.
But I digress. By 4:30, it's time to head to the mall. Traffic should be going in the opposite direction and parking shouldn't be much of a problem - although sometimes there are other men in my situation - bedraggled guys whose planning for the season is a close match to mine. We will be wild eyed as we rush from store to store shopping for the wives. (I don't think that bachelors don't need to suffer this routine every year.) Anything decent in normal sizes is well picked over and we struggle to find just the right gift. That frenzy of holiday shopping always described on the news - well, now we know what they're talking about!
Since selection and price are both of critical importance, whether I will find any gift at all is open to debate. I'll declare an end to my 2017 holiday shopping season with a final stop at Harbor Freight. To avoid coming home empty handed, I'll pick up a few tools (maybe an impact gun or set of metric sockets) that I'll try to pawn off as the wife's Christmas presents. She'll be rolling her eyes, so it's back home for a double or triple "restorative" to recuperate while I either a) decorate the tree or b) wander off to the neighbor's front porch to celebrate the holiday season.
Merry Christmas everybody! Stay safe!
I can't wait to get started! First, I enhance my spirit with healthy doses of rum laced egg nog during the early afternoon. Then it's off to the first of several stops to shop for a tree. By today, they will be picked over pretty well, and my choices will be clear. The only question is how expensive they are. So, I'll probably stop at 4 or 5 places (mostly fire departments and churches and charitable places raising money for food for the homeless) to see what's available. If I can get a tree for $5.00 or less, I'll be done. If not, I'll do a second loop around. My "friends" staffing the fire department tree lot are sure to close up at dark and head to the bar for a holiday spirit. Once they're gone and in their cups, I can probably pick up a tree for next to nothing.
It used to be more fun when the kids were little. I'd pack them into the car - mom has them all bundled up in snow suits with their arms sticking straight out and a side to side gait that induced a lot of falling down on snowy surfaces. We'd spend about an hour or so shopping for a tree on December 23rd - one of two goals in mind - either to get the cheapest tree we could find or to get the first one we see priced for less than $8.00. In the later case, much haggling ensued, since the kids were advised to complain about any shortcomings or deficiencies that they noticed in the tree before the deal was a struck. With luck, I could get the cost down to $2.00 - especially if I avoided the tree wrap and tie down and simply stuffed the thing into the trunk. Usually that meant lots of brown needles in the car until I finally traded it in! But seeing those brown needles just brought pleasant feelings throughout the year as I recalled the wonders of Christmas past.
Alas, the kids are all grown up and I'm on my own. On top of that, the cost of "fresh cut" trees is way up. Prices north of $75.00 are not unheard of. This puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on me! Since when does money grow on trees?
Yesterday, I came home to walk the dog, and I noticed that the neighbor had put up a tree with blue and red lights on his front porch. That had maybe been there for several weeks, but I hadn't noticed until I saw him putting fake presents under the tree (well I assumed they were fake, but maybe I better go check!). That gave me a great idea - well at least a back-up plan. I can bring my lawn furniture over and a bottle of schnapps and celebrate the holiday on his front porch! And if I can't find just the right tree during today's shopping spree, I'm still golden - plus I can avoid the entire tree decorating step!
As I type, the neighbor's tree plan appeals to me more and more. With some smooth talking and cajoling, I can probably overcome the wife's skepticism - assuming that it stops raining.
But I digress. By 4:30, it's time to head to the mall. Traffic should be going in the opposite direction and parking shouldn't be much of a problem - although sometimes there are other men in my situation - bedraggled guys whose planning for the season is a close match to mine. We will be wild eyed as we rush from store to store shopping for the wives. (I don't think that bachelors don't need to suffer this routine every year.) Anything decent in normal sizes is well picked over and we struggle to find just the right gift. That frenzy of holiday shopping always described on the news - well, now we know what they're talking about!
Since selection and price are both of critical importance, whether I will find any gift at all is open to debate. I'll declare an end to my 2017 holiday shopping season with a final stop at Harbor Freight. To avoid coming home empty handed, I'll pick up a few tools (maybe an impact gun or set of metric sockets) that I'll try to pawn off as the wife's Christmas presents. She'll be rolling her eyes, so it's back home for a double or triple "restorative" to recuperate while I either a) decorate the tree or b) wander off to the neighbor's front porch to celebrate the holiday season.
Merry Christmas everybody! Stay safe!
12-23-2017, 12:00 PM
#1064
12-28-2017, 06:50 AM
#1070
Woke up to -18 here. Has warmed up nicely to -5 now at almost 11am. Might get to zero today. Not expecting temps to get higher than single digits till next year, Jan 3...Oh well, at least it's not as cold as the hills or Watertown today...-34!
Levi
Levi