JerseyGirl

HOW TO DRIVE IN NEW JERSEY

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is New-erk not New-ark. (actually, it's pronounced "NERK")

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on the turnpike is 85 mph. On the parkway it's 105 or 110. Anything less is considered "Wussy."

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Jersey has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, in Monmouth county, SUV-driving, cellphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of Jersey. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, barrels, cones, celebs, rubber-neckers, shredded tires, cell-phoners, deer and other road kill, and the homeless feeding on any of these items.

9. Mapquest does not work here -- none of the roads are where they say they are or go where they say they do and all the Turnpike ez pass lanes are moved each night once again to make your ride more exciting.

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.

12. Do not try to estimate travel time -- just leave Monday afternoon for Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for Friday and right after church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.

HiPER

i wonder when i go on my roadtrip this summer, will people think im a nutty driver

GRUNTS2K

I love it! I love it!

orangebarius

lol hahahaha thats great and mostly true. gotta love NJ. i hate when people do 70 mph in the left lane on the parkway and turnpike. its 80mph or over buddy.

JerseyGirl

Depends.
Do you plan on driving like you're still in Jersey?

EternalLx

Its cause of those ppl that we have so much traffic on the highways

yellowf22c1

lol!!! that's pretty true for most!

bobushka king

1. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels.

2. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real New Jersey driver never uses them.

3. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

4. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered "going with the flow."

5. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

6. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. The other guy doesn't have anything to lose.

7. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

8. Construction signs tell you about road closures immediately after you pass the last exit before the traffic begins to back up.

9. The new electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide useful information. They are only there to make New Jersey look high-tech and to distract you from seeing the police car parked in the median.

10. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.

11. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour.

12. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a New Jersey driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

13. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic in New Jersey.

14. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire.

15. Throwing litter on the roads adds variety to the landscape, keeps the existing litter from getting lonely, and gives Adopt-a-highway crews something to clean up.

16. Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours, especially pickup truck drivers with stickers of Calvin peeing on a Ford, Dodge or Chevy logo.

17. Learn to swerve abruptly. New Jersey is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to the New Jersey Department of Transportation, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.

18. It is traditional in New Jersey to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.

19. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.

20. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.

21. Remember that the goal of every New Jersey driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

22. Every lane is the fast/passing lane. This includes the shoulder.

23. Snow, ice, fog, and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way of ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle sales.

stitos2k

I live in monmouth county, and do I ever hate all the soccer moms... Holy crap you can't drive more than 10 feet without rubbing bumpers with one. I had one run me off the road last year... COMPLETELY OFF THE ROAD! While yapping on her cell phone and watching spongebob with the kids while driving.

Then I got to witness the funniest accident I've ever seen. Soccer mom A hits a van at stop light while talking on her phone, 1 minute later Soccer mom B hits soccer mom A... while talking on her phone. One had the acura suv, the other the mercedes.

Guy in the van (big old work van) had a small dent in his bumper and didn't care. Both soccer moms had crushed grills, dented hoods, and the acura's bumper and tailgate were dented up.

Funny stuff.

The reason traffic sucks in NJ is all the dingalings in NY (aka Bennies) who drive down every freaking friday during the summer who

A. Can't drive
B. Shouldn't drive
C. Should "stay the hell home and leave us alone"
D. Can't figure out that the left lane is for passing, not cruising 10mph under the speed limit.

If its any consolation, Maryland drivers are actually the worst drivers in U.S. Its a miracle they aren't all dead through their own stupidity

(I can see the wave of pissed off MD drivers coming for me now )

JerseyGirl

I grew up in Monmouth County. My family's still there (not sure why).