It's the first day of school and the teacher thought she'd get to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living.

The first little girl says: "My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman."
The next little boy says: "I'm Andy and my Dad is a mechanic."
Then one little boy says: "My name is Jimmy and my father is a striptease dancer in a cabaret for gay men."

The teacher gasps and quickly changes the subject, but later in the school yard the teacher approaches Jimmy privately and asks if it was really true that his Dad dances nude in a gay bar.

He blushed and said, "I'm sorry but my dad plays football for France, I was just too embarrassed to say so."

 

Teacher asks Mary "What does your Dad do?" Mary says "He's a doctor." Teacher asks Bobby the same. Bobby replies a Fireman. Teacher asks Johnny "What does your Dad do?" Johnny replies "Dad's dead!" Teacher says "Oh I'm sooo sorry to hear that. What did he do before he died?" Johnny says "He turned blue and puked on the carpet!"

Well, being Father's Day and all, and it's one of my favorites.

 

I also have a world cup football joke, but it is too rude for here!

 

Does it have a punchline like: "Oh I'm not a Marine! I'm just wearing the hat!" ??

 

RUDE JOKE ALERT!!

i.e. don't read if offended by sexist jokes


Alex Ferguson is the one of the guests of honour at the Miss World
Beauty pageant.
During the interval all the guests and contestants are mingling over
drinks. Sir Alex is besieged by 3 of the most beautiful women in the world.
Miss Venezuela pops the first question :
- Sir Alex, I admire you management skills and all you have achieved
and the trophies you have won.
Sir Alex acknowledges her flattering remark, but she then lowers the
left strap of her dress and reveals her left breast and says ........
"Can you autograph my left breast please ?"
Sir Alex now bemused, duly obliges....
Miss Croatia pops the second question :
- Sir Alex, I admire the way you play psychological games with your
opponents even before you play them.
Sir Alex again acknowledges her flattering remark, but she then
lowers the right strap of her dress and reveals her right breast and
says.....
"Can you autograph my right breast please ?"
Sir Alex again bemused, duly obliges....
Miss Argentina pops the third question :
- Sir Alex, I admire the way you motivate your players and shield
them like they were your own sons.
Sir Alex again acknowledges her flattering remark, but she then
lifts up her dress and reveals the fact she is wearing no underwear at all,
and
says.......
Can you please autograph this please"
Sir Alex totally gob smacked by now says "Hang on a minute love,
no..no..
no..!!!
Last time I signed an Argentinean c*nt it cost me

 

Same joke I had Tifosi and very funny it was too.

 

Sorry mate! (and sorry if I've offended anyone's sensibilities!!)

 

Nice one Chris, and very bloody true.

 

 

Superb joke !