#&$#//#-*<<19th Official Hard-at-Work Thread >>>*
02-23-2005 | 05:19 AM
#1591
Former Moderator
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 24,162
Likes: 3
From: Burlington, VT
A man gets into his seat on an airline, which is about to take off, when another man with a Labrador Retriever occupies the two empty seats beside him. The Lab is situated in the middle, and the first man is looking quizzically at the dog when the second man explains that they work for the airline.
The airline rep says, "Don't mind Sniffer. He's a sniffing dog, the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne when I put him to work."
The plane takes off and levels out when the handler says to the first man, "Watch this." He tells the dog, "Sniffer, search."
Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and sits next to a woman for a few seconds. It then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the handler's arm. He says, "Good boy."
The airline rep turns to the first man and says,"That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of this and her seat number for the police who will apprehend her upon arrival."
Fantastic!" replies the first man.
Once again, he sends Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat, and places two paws on the handler's arm. The airline rep says, "That man is carrying cocaine, so, again, I'm making a note of this and the seat number."
"I like it!" says the first man.
A third time, the rep sends Sniffer to search the aisles. Sniffer goes up and down the plane and, after a while, sits down next to someone. He then comes racing back, jumps up onto his seat, and poops all over the place.
The first man is really grossed out by this behavior from a supposedly well-trained sniffing dog and asks, "What's going on?"
The handler nervously replies, "He just found a bomb!"
The airline rep says, "Don't mind Sniffer. He's a sniffing dog, the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne when I put him to work."
The plane takes off and levels out when the handler says to the first man, "Watch this." He tells the dog, "Sniffer, search."
Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and sits next to a woman for a few seconds. It then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the handler's arm. He says, "Good boy."
The airline rep turns to the first man and says,"That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of this and her seat number for the police who will apprehend her upon arrival."
Fantastic!" replies the first man.
Once again, he sends Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat, and places two paws on the handler's arm. The airline rep says, "That man is carrying cocaine, so, again, I'm making a note of this and the seat number."
"I like it!" says the first man.
A third time, the rep sends Sniffer to search the aisles. Sniffer goes up and down the plane and, after a while, sits down next to someone. He then comes racing back, jumps up onto his seat, and poops all over the place.
The first man is really grossed out by this behavior from a supposedly well-trained sniffing dog and asks, "What's going on?"
The handler nervously replies, "He just found a bomb!"
02-23-2005 | 06:20 AM
#1595
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 16,740
Likes: 50
From: VA
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a
Little perch.
It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Geesh, I
wonder what happened to this parrot?
The parrot responds, "I was born this way. I'm a defective
parrot."
Holy crap," the guy says. "You actually understood and answered me!"
> >"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly
>intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."
> >
> >"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this; how do you hang onto
your
>perch without any feet?"
> >
> >The parrot responds, "Well, this is very embarrassing. but since
you
>asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook.
>You can't see it because of my feathers."
> >
> >"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English
>can't you?"
> >
> >"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse
with
>reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports,
>physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really
>ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
> >
> >The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't
afford
>that."
> >
> >"Pssst"...said the parrot, truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't
>have any feet. You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an
>offer!"
> >
> >The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The
>parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's
>interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he
>sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted. One day the
>guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, "psssssssssssst," and
>motions him over with one wing. I don't know if I should tell you
>this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."
> >
> >"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.
> >
> >"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him
at
>the door in a sheer black nightie and kissed him passionately."
> >
> >"WHAT???" The guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"
> >
> >"Well, then the postman came into the house and put his hands
under
>her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.
> >
> >"Oh No!," he exclaims. "Then what?"
> >
> >"Then he lifted up the nightie, got down on his knees and began to
>kiss her all over, starting with her breasts and slowly going
>down...."
> >
> >"WELL," demands the frantic guy, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
> >
> >"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch.
>
Little perch.
It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Geesh, I
wonder what happened to this parrot?
The parrot responds, "I was born this way. I'm a defective
parrot."
Holy crap," the guy says. "You actually understood and answered me!"
> >"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly
>intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."
> >
> >"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this; how do you hang onto
your
>perch without any feet?"
> >
> >The parrot responds, "Well, this is very embarrassing. but since
you
>asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook.
>You can't see it because of my feathers."
> >
> >"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English
>can't you?"
> >
> >"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse
with
>reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports,
>physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really
>ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
> >
> >The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't
afford
>that."
> >
> >"Pssst"...said the parrot, truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't
>have any feet. You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an
>offer!"
> >
> >The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The
>parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's
>interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he
>sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted. One day the
>guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, "psssssssssssst," and
>motions him over with one wing. I don't know if I should tell you
>this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."
> >
> >"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.
> >
> >"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him
at
>the door in a sheer black nightie and kissed him passionately."
> >
> >"WHAT???" The guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"
> >
> >"Well, then the postman came into the house and put his hands
under
>her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.
> >
> >"Oh No!," he exclaims. "Then what?"
> >
> >"Then he lifted up the nightie, got down on his knees and began to
>kiss her all over, starting with her breasts and slowly going
>down...."
> >
> >"WELL," demands the frantic guy, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
> >
> >"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch.
>
02-23-2005 | 07:52 AM
#1598
Former Moderator
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 37,187
Likes: 1
From: TN
Originally Posted by ciccone376' date='Feb 22 2005, 05:10 PM
^^Dark_Sub...
where are you located? I know a design company looking for a senior designer, if you happen to be in Northern VA and are interested I can talk to you about it offline.
-Chris
where are you located? I know a design company looking for a senior designer, if you happen to be in Northern VA and are interested I can talk to you about it offline.
-Chris
