The General

I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin.
I like big cars, big hooters, and big paychecks.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not
some midlevel governmental functionary with a bad comb-over
who wants to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, you'd better
do it in English. I'm not in touch with my feelings and I like it
than way.

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes
two parents.

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer.

I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend
Jesse Jackson preaches. And where does he get his money. And
why is he always part of the problem and not the solution.

I believe if she has her lips on your willie, it IS sex, and
it is sex for both of you. This even applies when you are
President of the United States.

I think that being a student doesn't give you any more
enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your
parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through
4-7 years of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God or
gods, just leave the rest of us out of it.
.
I believe it's called the Boy Scouts for a reason.

I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized.

I don't use the excuse "it's for the children" as a shield
for unpopular opinions or actions.

I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.

My heroes are John Wayne, the Simpsons, and whoever canceled
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing
about it.

I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those
experts now, when I am freezing my ass through a long winter?

I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander
forty years in the desert after getting chased out of Egypt,
I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks
and neither have you, so shut up already.

I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I
don't want you deciding who should be running the most
powerful nation of the world for the next four years.

I think if you are in the passing lane, and not passing,
your license should be revoked, and you should be forced to ride
the bus until you promise to never delay the rest of us again.

I think beef jerky could quite possibly be the perfect food.

I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but
please don't pretend they are a political statement.

I think Dr. Seuss was a genius.

I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how
desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe
otherwise.

WebGod

That whole thing was cool, but this is by far my favorite!!!

S2KOOL

I second everything said.

modifry

Double Ditto's on that.

I didn't know this was from 'ole George. I friend of mine sent it to me about 3 months ago. I liked it so much I keep it in my "inbox" so I can look at it from time to time.

airgate

George Carlin rocks!

Sebring Silver

.....Except for the passing motorist lines, that

jschmidt

Doesn't sound like the George I know either, but I had to remind myself that he's an entertainer and these are conservative times. Comedians are like politicians they go wherever the most laughs (substitute votes) are.

Right now, with government officials promoting racial profiling, I've noticed an increase in my exposure to racism. The same thing happened when when Reagan used racial code words to get elected. Not sure how this is related but that's what it got me thinking about.

Cape Cod

George Carlin would not say most of this stuff. He is a comedian/humorist, not a barber. He is a wordsmith and does not spout ill concieved babble. Try georgecarlin.com or laugh.com to see some genuine worthy material.

S2KTroup

Webpass,

I second your vote for favorite line about slow driving in the passing lane. Its not called the passing lane for nothing. If you arent passing get the he11 out of my way.

Man I feel better now that I got that off my chest.

P.S. especially if your in some utility van or pickup truck with a trailer.

All hail the Autobaun!!!!!

modifry

Oh man, you're probably right. I missed the part about Dr. Suess. He started the KKK didn't he?