Dear Management,

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

1. I do physical labor;
2. I work at great depths;
3. I plunge head first into everything I do;
4. I do not get weekends or public holidays off;
5. I work in a damp environment;
6. I don't get paid overtime;
7. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation;
8. I work in high temperatures, and;
9. My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Dear Penis,

After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

1. You cannot work eight hours straight;
2. You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods;
3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team;
4. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations;
5. You do not take initiative -- you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working;
6. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift;
7. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing;
8. You will retire well before you are 65;
9. You are unable to work double shifts;
10. You sometimes leave your designated work before you have completed the assigned task;
11. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Management

 

 

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