The Human Brain
#1
The Human Brain
In the hospital, the relatives gathered in the waiting room where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally the doctor came in looking tired and somber. I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces.
"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain."
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask.
"Why is the male brain so much more?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and so to the entire group said, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains because they've actually been used."
DOH!
"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain."
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask.
"Why is the male brain so much more?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and so to the entire group said, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains because they've actually been used."
DOH!
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#8
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure ?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure ?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
#10
here's another one (sensitive types can skip to the next post):
While visiting his niece, an elderly man had what was apparently a stroke.
The woman drove wildly to get him to the emergency room.
After what seemed like a very long wait, the E.R. Doctor appeared,
wearing his scrubs and a long face.
"Sadly," he said, "I'm afraid that your uncle's brain is dead, but his
heart is still beating."
"Oh, dear!" cried the woman, her hands clasped against her cheeks with
shock. "We've never had a Democrat in the family before!"
__________________
While visiting his niece, an elderly man had what was apparently a stroke.
The woman drove wildly to get him to the emergency room.
After what seemed like a very long wait, the E.R. Doctor appeared,
wearing his scrubs and a long face.
"Sadly," he said, "I'm afraid that your uncle's brain is dead, but his
heart is still beating."
"Oh, dear!" cried the woman, her hands clasped against her cheeks with
shock. "We've never had a Democrat in the family before!"
__________________