ATTN: ACLR8 Pt. II
#1991
sorry for the neglect on this thread. I was traveling for business.
OK, to mix things up a bit for the usual SEXY HIGH HEELED VIXENS we can grow so tired of here are a couple jokes (hopefully you haven't already read):
Some Home Rememdies --
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cop of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the wife about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your arteries.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad tooth ache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the tooth ache.
AND......... Sometimes we just need to remember what the Rules of Life really are:
Be good to your family and friends.
You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.
OK, to mix things up a bit for the usual SEXY HIGH HEELED VIXENS we can grow so tired of here are a couple jokes (hopefully you haven't already read):
Some Home Rememdies --
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cop of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the wife about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your arteries.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad tooth ache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the tooth ache.
AND......... Sometimes we just need to remember what the Rules of Life really are:
Be good to your family and friends.
You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.
#1994
I work with a lot of divers. I don't know if it is true . . . . but it is funny as hell and made a lot us think-- - -
So, next time you have a bad
day at work...think of this guy.
Maybe Jeff has some insight as to the validity of this?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The guy in the letter is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne,Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.
Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a
bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work,
so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with
a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom
of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool.
So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered
Industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the
hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit
with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I
scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to
burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, the damage was done. In agony realized what had happened.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my
suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish
couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the
jellyfish into the crack of my butt.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.
His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five
other divers, were all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three
agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes
before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.
The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because
my butt was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much
worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.
Now repeat to yourself:
"I love my job, I love my job, I love my job".
So, next time you have a bad
day at work...think of this guy.
Maybe Jeff has some insight as to the validity of this?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The guy in the letter is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne,Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.
Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a
bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work,
so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with
a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom
of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool.
So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered
Industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the
hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit
with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I
scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to
burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, the damage was done. In agony realized what had happened.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my
suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish
couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the
jellyfish into the crack of my butt.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.
His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five
other divers, were all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three
agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes
before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.
The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because
my butt was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much
worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.
Now repeat to yourself:
"I love my job, I love my job, I love my job".