Kyras

Yeah, I tend to be that way too. Turns off some of my friends but that's me.

feistyS2K

Yeah it does, but if you ask for it, you gonna get it!!

Dj Elixur

generally, women are more open to sharing. agree with you patti, in socal theres not much going on upstairs.. usually just gotta blow in thru the straw for a refill.

thanks for all your imput, keep it coming! have my own viewpoints, but that will be expressed in the paper...

lilazngirl "I think in the process of a divorce, if a child feels like he/she has to choose between the two parents, it puts them in this emotional rut where they feel like they're choosing between who they love more. Granted in some situations a child may love one parent more than the other (abuse or whatever reason that made them already have that judgment in mind), putting a child in the middle of a nasty split typically effs them up emotional. From what I notice, those are the children that grow up with emotional issues of being unable to express their true feelings, being unable to trust another human being and other things.
" you said from what you noticed, what was it that you noticed? can you give me examples?


fiesty, its never long enough. i can read forever. yes. for. ever. again, forever.

you said ''I know what I don't want in a marriage. I know what I don't want in a husband. I think I did well considering my upbringing, 'cause let me tell you...my parents' divorce was just the tip of the iceberg."

so what dont you want? lets go off on a tangent with that one, want to compare with my own personal opnions of what I dont want... you are saying that you know what you dont want after seeing in modeled in your own parents correct? since my viewpoint is from parents who are still married *but probably should have been divorced* lets see if there is a correlation shall we

feistyS2K

I guess it's easier to say what I do want and expect...

respect, consideration, loyalty

...and of course, it's mutual. I could never expect to receive it if I don't dish it out myself. Understand that as broad of a term each of those words are, so much falls into those categories. I have to say though that respect is my number one criteria, but that would be for anyone that wants me in their life.

I don't do disrespect....don't you dare try yelling at me in front of ANYONE!!! I don't do double standards....if you go to the club, I go to the club. I don't do dishonesty...hurt my feelings by telling the truth, I'm a big girl! Not to mention, it pisses me off 1000% more to be lied to. I don't do physical expressions of anger....trust me, you gotta sleep sometime!!

Here's a scenerio that some may see but don't realize how f####ed up it is. I have a former friend that would say "excuse me" to people at the store then turn right around and say "MOVE!!" (with a roll in her eye) when talking to her husband. All this in front of her daughter. And she wonders where her daughter got this idea it's okay to disrespect her. Just an example of how staying married can also do damage to the children.

I hope I answered your wauestion....

fujimi

^^ I agree totally

I think its how the parents treat their kids AFTER the divorce that matters. If they spoil the brat it makes them that they can get away with anything likewise if they don't bother to give them any attention then they turn out to be thugs or criminals.
I was close to becoming one. My parents almost got a divorce, when I was in 9th grade. It was a reality trip for me though, didn't think it would happen to me until it does happen. It made me think what love is all about and if happiness really existed. I turned out fine parents fight like normal but nothing bad. But I do learn from their mistakes, which is the one thing I will always remember. I'll always treat my wife the way I wanted to be treated... I just hope I'll fine her soon before I get too old ..hehe

Time to make some lemonade.

ronblanford

That quote's a keeper.

I can't speak from personal experience, but my wife grew up in one of those toxic marriages. Even after 25 years I still don't know the whole story; she can't bring herself to talk about it. Her dad was an insensitive, demanding, and verbally abusive man, and her mom was too passive. I don't think there was physical abuse, but from the age of 8 she was begging her mom to leave. It wasn't until a few years ago, after her mom almost died of neglect, that she was able to move her out of the house to assisted living. Divorce probably would have been best, but was not a socially acceptable option in 60's Japan.

Knowing the background, I appreciate all the more how she has managed our family relationships (sometimes difficult) with me and the boys. Or maybe it's because of the background. I'm not excusing anyone, but you can never tell how people would have turned out under different circumstances, and not all adversity is bad.

alejo

ummm yeah, my parents divorced when I was 3 - it sure would've been nice to have lived with my dad then instead of waiting 20 years to start bonding with him.

I can't wait to be there for this little fella all his life

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lilazngrl4o8

100%.

Truth hurts but finding out about it on your own later down the line is like the twist after the stab. That kills 1000 times more than just being honest from the get go.

lilazngrl4o8

I had an old friend that grew up with parents who were at each other's throat all the time. One parent was extremely more passive than the other and the other was extremely controlling and very totalitarian.. My way or the highway type attitude and what I say goes no questions asked. After seeing the kind of abuse one parent put the other one through, my friend ended up being on the passive side. Sort of just taking the blame for anything pointed in their direction without saying anything. This in turned made my friend a rather depressing individual. Dark and gloomy but unable to express it.

My personal experience doesn't have to do with divorce, but I grew up in a family that wasn't that affectionate. Like I think I can count the number of times I've seen my parents even display affection on 1 hand in my entire life. As I kid I use to tell my parents I loved them, but once I hit like 5 years old, it sorta just stopped and I don't know why it stopped. Personally, i don't know why, but it feels weird for me to say it to like my siblings or to my parents. I didn't grow up with it so it's feels out of place for me to say it I guess. That contributes a good portion as to why I wasn't all that affectionate to anyone up until a few years ago. I was seen as a cold biatch since I couldn't express that kind of affection to those close to me.

Growing up, i've had my share of backstabbing friends, betrayal and all that jazz. That built a wall around me early on since I didn't want to get hurt by anyone. I had (well still have) a hard time trusting people. It takes a lot I guess for me to trust someone and to let them in and know me skin deep. What people see on the outside is just the surface of who I am as a person and I don't show that part of me to many people.

My long winded answer to your simple question... In short what I'm trying to say is, how you feel emotionally as a child and what you see around you in terms of your surroundings or immediate environment, that shapes you emotionally later in life. If the divorce process is rough on a child and they are the emotionally sensitive type, they're the ones that takes things in harder and they develop walls around their own feelings and themselves so they don't feel that way again...

Hope that makes sense?? lol

ediddy310

I think it does.....it is psychological trauma. Doesn't mean they won't grow up messed up but they will remember it and depending on who's fault it was......there will mostly be resentment there.