Dj Elixur

As part of a research paper, it sparked a curiousity as to what others (you) think (and Why you think) about a divorce and its effects on children?

personal experiences, opinions, viewpoints, are all welcome, please respect one anothers opinions and viewpoints, your imput is appreciated, so what does socal think?

B.C.

I never know who is writing this, the G/F or the BF?

Kekoa

yo. thats a no brainer. i have no doubt divorce affects children negatively. on top of that, i beleive children of divorced parentes are a lot more likely to have marriages of their owne that will also end in divorce.

in these days, 90% of my friends have divorced parents. they tell me there is no way they will turn out like there parents, but sadly enough, its a cycle.

in asian families, parents try everything not to divorce for the sake of children.

feistyS2K

Being a child of an ugly marriage, divorce was the best thing my mom could do for me. I think when two people just can't make a marriage work, staying in it "for the kids" is the worse thing to do. It teaches the children that, regardless of the incompatibilty or the abuse or the infidelity or whatever the constant fights or tension are about, being miserable is more important than being happy. I mean really?!?! Isn't life too short to muck it up with unnecessary unhappiness. We are blessed to be in a society that allows for divorce and if all attempts at being happy are exhausted, then why not?

With that said, Divorce isn't the culprit behind the screwed up mentality of the children, it's the two adults going through it that screws up the mentality of the children. If the adults can't act like adults, how do they expect the children to grow up and act like adults? It kills me to see women do the whole "your father was an a$$hat so you're never gonna see him again BUT DAMNIT if I ain't gonna bleed him dry for his paycheck!!" Really?!?! Now don't get me wrong, It goes both ways, but why put everyone, ESPECIALLY the children, through it. Just come to a fair decision and go about your lives.

Now I KNOW there are different scenerios to take into consideration. Children abused by a parent shouldn't see that parent ever again and SHOULD be bleed dry of their money. There's just no excuse for all that.

Just my .02 as a child of an ugly marriage and God-sent divorce!!

Dj Elixur

in response to Kekoa

agree with you on that one the statistics are amazing. there are some common themes displayed though, there was one study done for a full decade on 116 of 131 cases and the children resulted in seeking what their parents "failed" to find, a lasting marital relationship, a romantic love that doesnt fade over time, faithfulness to the marriage and family, stuff that seems to be cut out of a healthy growth cycle when children experience divorce. it showed that the children actually want to avoid a repetition of the past, so its confounding when it turns out the opposite..


there is valid evidence contributing to the increased rates of divorce, the social acceptance of cohabitation vs marriage for one, or the acceptance of out of wedlock childbrearing, and worse yet, the need for a quick fix. divorces are far less time consuming that twenty, even thirty years ago. this increase has jumped dramatically only recently in the past 3 decades according to research, but again, the voice from the public is far more interesting than a bunch of research papers

Dj Elixur

if you wouldnt mind sharing, can you tell me more about it? how old are you now? how old were you when your parents seperated? do you have any siblings?

B.C.

I assume this is not Wendy right?

Kyras

I believe divorce is hard on the kids (no brainer), and it breaks their hearts too. I know it can be better than staying together though, if the relationship is really toxic. My husband cheated on me, and I caught him (not having sex, just with her) but since he said he was sorry, it was a mistake, he wanted me, etc, we went to counseling for about 2 years to fix it up. The only reason I didn't divorce him then, was because our kids were in the 6th and 8th grade and I didn't want to put them through it.

We are now getting divorced, and the kids are 18 and 20, and it's still hard on our 18 year old, but I think it's much easier now than it would have been when he was 12.

BTW, my parents divorced just as I was graduating high school, just like my son is now. They had both been previously married, (and had my half-sisters) and both married again afterwards. I was not going to follow in their footsteps but after 22 years, I've had enough of not being happy. I have a sister 10 years older than me who's been married 4 times. I think she's keeping this one, and it's been about 19 years.

Dj Elixur

sup bc? thangs under his fc, you need him for something?

B.C.

No. I just find this topic VERY ironic.