Totally OT.. but who cares.
01-22-2007, 09:39 PM
#1
Thread Starter
Totally OT.. but who cares.
This one's called The Good Husband.
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's
Christmas Party.
Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol
at all.
He didn't even remember how he got home from the party.
As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees
is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.
And, next to them, a single red rose!!
Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and
pressed.
He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order,
spotlessly clean.
So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring
back at him in the bathroom mirror.
Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in
red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to
make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love,
Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast,
steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating.
Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 AM., drunk and out of your mind. You fell
over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway,
and got that black eye when you ran into the door.
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect
order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table
waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when
she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm
married!!"
Broken Coffee Table $239.99 Hot Breakfast $4.20 Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing at the right time . PRICELESS
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's
Christmas Party.
Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol
at all.
He didn't even remember how he got home from the party.
As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees
is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.
And, next to them, a single red rose!!
Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and
pressed.
He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order,
spotlessly clean.
So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring
back at him in the bathroom mirror.
Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in
red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to
make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love,
Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast,
steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating.
Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 AM., drunk and out of your mind. You fell
over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway,
and got that black eye when you ran into the door.
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect
order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table
waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when
she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm
married!!"
Broken Coffee Table $239.99 Hot Breakfast $4.20 Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing at the right time . PRICELESS
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01-23-2007, 07:44 AM
#9
Registered User
A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.
She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no" he replies.
"Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" she asks, running
her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is there
anything I can do?"
"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily,
popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck
them gently.
"Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room."
She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no" he replies.
"Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" she asks, running
her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is there
anything I can do?"
"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily,
popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck
them gently.
"Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room."
