jasonw

How come Mike Tyson's eyes always water during sex?








Mace

jasonw

Have you heard about the prostitute who contracted appendicitis and they
sewed up the wrong hole? Now she's making money on the side.

jasonw

Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring? He decided
to stick it out for one more year!

yamez

who is the biggest prostitute in the history?






ms.pacman.


because for 25 cents that bia swallows balls until she dies.

friendlydacat

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous, so, he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.
"Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.
"No, I don't."
"Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in Mexico with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size."
She didn't crack a smile. "Oh, well. I tried," he thought.
But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing. "What's so funny?" he asked.
"I was just envisioning how condoms are made!"

Quick Silver

Life is short, So live to the fullest



WHAT IS MARKETING??? ?


1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say: ' I am very rich. Marry me! '
- That's Direct Marketing'


2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: ' He's very rich. 'Marry him.'
-That's Advertising'


3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day, you call and say: ' Hi, I'm very rich. 'Marry me
- That's Telemarketing'


4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the car door
for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then
say: 'By the way, I'm rich. Will you 'Marry Me?'
- That's Public Relations'


5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says: 'You are very rich! '
Can you marry ! Me?'
- 'That's Brand recognition'


6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say: 'I am very rich. Marry me!'
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
- ' That's Customer Feedback '

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say: 'I am very rich. Marry me!'
And she introduces you to her husband.
- 'That's demand and supply gap'


8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tells her:
'I'm rich. Will you marry me?' and she goes with him
- 'That's competition eating into your market share'


9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and before you say: 'I'm rich, Marry me!' and..........your wife arrives.
- 'That's restriction rules for entering new markets'

UnkieTrunkie

What's the worse thing about eating vegetables?

Depends.

Quick Silver

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'an inch of dust!!'
And then the fight started...

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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...


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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...


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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's licence to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realised I had left my wallet at home. I told the
woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing
my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for
me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'
And then the fight started...


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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring
at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right
after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that
long?'
And then the fight started...



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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...

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A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....

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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started....

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My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big.
I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday.
and then the fight started.....

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A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy
crap. That must be my husband!'
So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window.
He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and
to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed
at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'
The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'
And then the fight started.....

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I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....

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My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were
in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started....
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When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take
care of first: the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more
important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily
snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a
short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a
toothbrush. 'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as
well sweep the driveway.'
and then the fight started...

Quick Silver

FLORIDA COURT SETS ATHEIST HOLY DAY

In Florida , an atheist created a case against the upcoming Easter and Passover
Holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians,
Jews and observances of their holy days. The argument was that it was unfair that
atheists had no such recognized days.

The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate
presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring,
"Case dismissed!"

The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, "Your honor,
how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas,
Easter and others.. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah,
yet my Client and all other atheists have no such holidays."

The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But you do. Your client, counsel,
is woefully ignorant."

The lawyer said, "Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or
holiday for atheists."

The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st is April Fools Day.
Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.'
Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that if your client says there is no God,
then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day. Court is adjourned.

jasonw