friendlydacat

CAKE OR BED

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A
FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,

'HONEY,
COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?
IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW'.

HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY,
'FIX THE LIGHTS NOW?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO'.

FINE,

THEN THE WIFE ASKS,
'WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT '

TO WHICH HE REPLIED,
'FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE
WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO'.

'FINE', SHE SAYS
'THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS
TO THE FRONT DOOR?
THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK '

'I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T
WANT TO FIX STEPS'.
HE SAYS, 'DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.
I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!! '

SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A
COUPLE OF HOURS....................................

HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW
HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES
TO GO HOME

AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE, HE NOTICES
THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.

AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE
HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.

AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES
THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

'HONEY', HE ASKS, 'HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?'
SHE SAID, 'WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT
OUTSIDE AND CRIED.

J UST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME
WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.

HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND
ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER
GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE'.

HE SAID,
'SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?'

SHE REPLIED,
'HELLOOOOO..
DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN
ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO!'

yamez

wahahahaha

Quick Silver

You've got to see this.
1st look and see the Whale under the water.
Keep your cursor OUT of the picture until you see the Whale.
Then move your mouse cursor onto the picture, but stand back,
you might get wet (it's like 3D). Click on the picture when it
loads completely and be sure that your sound is on.


CLICK ON: Worlds Most Dangerous Creatures

Quick Silver

A WOMAN was flying from Seattle to San Francisco .
Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sacramento
along the way. The flight attendant explained that there
would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off
the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes.

Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind.
The man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the
lady was blind because her Seeing Eye dog lay quietly
underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight.

He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because
the pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, ' Kathy,
we are in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get
off and stretch your legs?' The blind lady replied, 'No thanks, but
maybe Buddy would like to stretch his legs.'

Picture this:
All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when
they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a
Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People
scattered.They not only tried to change planes, but they were
trying to change airlines!


True story... Have a great day and remember...

....THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR.

A DAY WITHOUT LAUGHTER IS A DAY WASTED!!!

Quick Silver

How they do it
Accountants do it with Double Entry
Acupuncturists do it with a small prick
Ambulance drivers come quicker
Australians do it Down Under
Bach did it using the organ
Bankers do it with interest
Bartenders do it on the Rocks
Batman does it using his Robin
Bookkeepers do it for the record
Bosses delegate the task to others
Chess players check their Mates
Cops do it with cuffs
DJs do it on request
Deep-sea divers do it under extreme pressure
Dentists do it orally
Detectives do it under cover
Don't do it with Bankers, most of them are Tellers
Elevator men do it up and down
Engineers do it to specifications
Engineers do it to a first order approximation
Firemen do it with a big hose
Frank Sinatra does it his way
Garbagemen come twice a week
Gardeners do it on the bushes
Gas attendants Pump all day
Golfers do it in 18 holes
Landlords do it every 1st of the month
Managers make others do it
Marketing reps do it on commission
Pizza delivery man comes in 30 minutes or it's free
Teachers do it with class
Waiters and waitresses do it for tips
Zoologists do it with animals
How do you do it?

Quick Silver

A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend
"You won't believe what happened.
I was taking a short cut along the railway track,
and I found a girl tied to it. I untied her, and then
we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything.

His friend replies, "That's great: did you get a blow job?"

Oh, no: I never found her head.

Quick Silver

Two guys are walking down the street and see a dog on the lawn, licking his balls.

One guy says to the other, "Man, I sure wish I could do that".

The other guy says, "Don't you think you ought to pet him first?"

Quick Silver

There was a cruise ship that ended up sinking just off the coast
of a small deserted island.There where only 3 survivors: 2 guys
and a girl. They lived there for a couple of years doing what was
natural for men and women.

After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really
bad about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both
guys was so bad that she killed herself.

It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it and
after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course.

Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel
absolutely horrible about what they were doing. So...

They buried her.

Quick Silver

ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF KINGFISHER AIRLINES BEING A SAFE AIRLINE

*Birds the Bees & planes*

A father and his young inquisitive son were flying Kingfisher Airlines from Mumbai to London .

The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his father and asked,
"If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby
planes?"

The father (who couldn't think of an answer) told his son to ask the
pretty flight attendant.
So the boy dutifully asked the flight attendant, "If dogs have baby dogs and
cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?"


The flight attendant responded, "Did your father tell you to ask me
that?"
The little boy admitted that he did.

"Well, then, tell your father that there are no baby planes because
Kingfisher Airlines always pulls out on time.

Now, let your father explain *that* to you."!!!

Quick Silver

To make it stand,
you wet it!



To make it wet,
you suck it!



To make it stiff,
you lick it!



To get it in,
You push it!






Damn !!!!!!!


Threading a needle when
you're older is a biatch.

SHAME ON YOU!!!!!!!!
( You have a dirty mind )