Official 2010 Joke Board
01-03-2009, 07:30 PM
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Official 2010 Joke Board
Bouncing Baby Boy Balls
There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds.
The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his
balls weighed five pounds. All the nurses and even the doctor didn't
know what to do with him.
Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong.
The head nurse replied, ''We don't know what to do with this baby.''
So the chief surgeon took one look and said, "You should put him
into a mental institution. "
Why?' asked the head nurse. Well," replied the chief surgeon,
take a look at him. The boy is obviously half nuts!
There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds.
The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his
balls weighed five pounds. All the nurses and even the doctor didn't
know what to do with him.
Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong.
The head nurse replied, ''We don't know what to do with this baby.''
So the chief surgeon took one look and said, "You should put him
into a mental institution. "
Why?' asked the head nurse. Well," replied the chief surgeon,
take a look at him. The boy is obviously half nuts!
01-03-2009, 07:40 PM
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Girl Power!
A little boy is playing with his new football and a little girl asks if she can play.
He tells her, "No. These are for boys."
The little girl runs into the house and tells her mother.
The next day the girl sticks her tongue out at the boy and waves her new football
in his face. The little boy angrily points to his boy's bike and says, "Oh yeah? Well,
only boys can get these!"
But the next day, the little girl has the same bike.
The little boy gets furious, pulls down his pants, points to his unit, and says, "Look,
only boys have these and your mom can't buy you one!"
The next day he walks by and the little girl promptly pulls up her dress, points to
her bits, and proclaims, "My mother tells me that as long as I have one of these,
I can have as many of those as I want." 
A little boy is playing with his new football and a little girl asks if she can play.
He tells her, "No. These are for boys."
The little girl runs into the house and tells her mother.
The next day the girl sticks her tongue out at the boy and waves her new football
in his face. The little boy angrily points to his boy's bike and says, "Oh yeah? Well,
only boys can get these!"
But the next day, the little girl has the same bike.
The little boy gets furious, pulls down his pants, points to his unit, and says, "Look,
only boys have these and your mom can't buy you one!"
The next day he walks by and the little girl promptly pulls up her dress, points to
her bits, and proclaims, "My mother tells me that as long as I have one of these,
I can have as many of those as I want."
01-03-2009, 07:48 PM
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Helisoft
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction
disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign
that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly
responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window.
Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to
SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot
asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically
correct but completely useless answer."
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction
disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign
that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly
responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window.
Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to
SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot
asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically
correct but completely useless answer."
01-03-2009, 08:36 PM
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Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians,
Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES."
You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
And furthermore...
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1 She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
3. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
4. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
5 She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
6. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."
Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES."
You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
And furthermore...
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1 She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
3. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
4. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
5 She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
6. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."
01-03-2009, 09:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Quick Silver' date='Jan 3 2009, 08:40 PM
Girl Power!
A little boy is playing with his new football and a little girl asks if she can play.
He tells her, "No. These are for boys."
The little girl runs into the house and tells her mother.
The next day the girl sticks her tongue out at the boy and waves her new football
in his face. The little boy angrily points to his boy's bike and says, "Oh yeah? Well,
only boys can get these!"
But the next day, the little girl has the same bike.
The little boy gets furious, pulls down his pants, points to his unit, and says, "Look,
only boys have these and your mom can't buy you one!"
The next day he walks by and the little girl promptly pulls up her dress, points to
her bits, and proclaims, "My mother tells me that as long as I have one of these,
I can have as many of those as I want."
A little boy is playing with his new football and a little girl asks if she can play.
He tells her, "No. These are for boys."
The little girl runs into the house and tells her mother.
The next day the girl sticks her tongue out at the boy and waves her new football
in his face. The little boy angrily points to his boy's bike and says, "Oh yeah? Well,
only boys can get these!"
But the next day, the little girl has the same bike.
The little boy gets furious, pulls down his pants, points to his unit, and says, "Look,
only boys have these and your mom can't buy you one!"
The next day he walks by and the little girl promptly pulls up her dress, points to
her bits, and proclaims, "My mother tells me that as long as I have one of these,
I can have as many of those as I want."
