Vuey

Hey Guys and Girls ....
Feel free to post a joke in here daily ... just to provide some comic relief to all .


Remeber guys , dont go overboard , keep them naughty but nice ! As there is a wide audience that log onto here so keep that in mind when posting .

Here's one to get the ball rolling .....

In pharmacology, all drugs have two names - a trade name and a generic
name. For example, the generic name of Tylenol is acetaminophen. Aleve is
known as naproxen, Amoxil is amoxicillian and Advil is ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After
consideration by a team of government experts, it has recently announced it has settled on the generic name of mycoxafloppin. Also considered were mycoxafailin,
mydixadrupin, mydixarizin, mydixadud, dixafix and of course ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. is making an announcement today that VIAGRA will soon be
avalable in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power
beverage suitable for use as a mixer. Pepsi’s proposed ad campaign claims
it will now be possible for a man to pour himself a stiff one. Obviously
we can no longer call this a soft drink. This additive gives new meaning to
the names of cocktails, highballs and just good old fashioned stiff
drink. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of Mount & Do.

Vuey

For those of you in the I.T industry , you'll appreciate this one !

Can anyone help with this software problem?
Eighteen months ago I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2
which I'd used for years without any trouble. However, there are
apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was
to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters
worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is also incompatible with several other
applications, such as Lads Night Out 3.1, Football 2 and Playboy 6.1.
Successive versions of Girlfriend have proved no better.
A shareware beta-programme, Party Girl 2.1 had many bugs and left a virus
in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.
Eventually I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same
time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other
they caused severe damage to all my hardware.

Sensing a way out, I upgraded to Fianc

s2o0o

GIRLS NIGHT OUT

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out;both were very
faithful and loving wives.. however, they had gotten over-enthusiastic
on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk, walking home they needed
to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off
her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather
expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them, but was lucky
enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on
it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their
business they proceeded to go home.

The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his
normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he
phoned the other husband and said "These damn girl nights have got
to stop. I'm starting to suspect the worst...my wife came home with no
panties!

"That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card
stuck in the crack of her butt that said "From all of us at the Fire
Station. We'll never forget you."

fisting dwarves

Two flies are on a pile of shit. One of them farts. The other one says "Do you mind? I'm eating."

Vuey

SECURITY ALERT

We have just been notified by Security that there have been six suspected
terrorists working out of your office.

Five of the six have been apprehended.
Bin Sleepin, Bin Hidin, Bin Fukinabout, Bin Lunchin, and Bin Drinkin have
all been taken into custody.

Security have advised us that they could find no one fitting the
description of the sixth cell member, Bin Workin, at your office. Security

is confident that anyone who looks like he's Bin Workin will be very easy
to spot.

You are obviously not a suspect at this time... !!!

MattG

Gee that one is bad Fisty...almost as bad as this one.

Two vomits were walking down the street.
Big vomit turns to little vomit and says:
"see that house over there"
Little vomit: "yeah"
Big vomit: "that's where I was brought up"

Austblue

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.


After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.


The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."


The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."

The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."


The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?"


One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?"

The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."

The three friends said: "What a shame... what a disappointment." The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends."

Muz

NEWSFLASH:- Bali 9 agree to be executed for $5000 each.

Austblue

Best "Out of Office" Auto Replies at your dayjob workplace:

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail
to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the
office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at
all.

3. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send
me until I return from holiday on 4 April. Please be patient and your
mail will be deleted in the order it was received.


4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged

s2o0o

Insulting Pick Ups...


I thought that I could love no other.
Until, that is, I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue,
sugar is sweet and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace.
If only you could hide your face.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot.
This describes everything you are not.

I want to feel your sweet embrace.
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes.
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell.
Except for maybe "go to hell".

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.